November 24, 2004
Almost thanksgiving
Oh my god. I was awake until 1:00am coughing. And then I finally fell into some kind of fitful half-sleep, but kept waking myself up coughing. Like at 5am. And then by the time I felt like things had calmed down and I was really enjoying being in bed, it was time to get up and go to class.
We started Friction today. Great. It's still hard to be excited about it. I remember in the beginning with Shiatsu I had these feelings of "Ok great, but I still can't DO much of anything." The difference was, we had a good overview of where it was all going and I felt an eagerness to get there. In this class, I don't know where we're going, and so I've been hanging back, reluctant, wondering if this is all worth my time and interest.
So reading that I think I know where to go next, especially given that I've technically committed to spend the time regardless of where it goes. Might as well be proactive about all of this.
Hydrotherapy is such a great class. We did foot baths, fomentations (basically, hot compresses), and contrasts (hot & cold dunks). So pampering.
So we all watched our time really well, got through everything planned, and impressed Soyka (and myself, for that matter) so much with our enthusiasm.
Meals have been a bit lacking lately. The kitchen crew is putting all of their effort into Thanksgiving preparation, with less important things like, oh, what I'm going to eat today falling lower and lower on the priority list. That would be great if I were actually staying for Thanksgiving.
Instead, I packed up and took off. There were a lot of cars, it seemed, on 101 N, and almost none on my side. That's good, but not what I expected.
Tonight, SF. Tomorrow, Santa Cruz.
Posted by Josh A. at 09:01 PM | Comments (0)
November 21, 2004
In which I escape from Eureka
I didn't drink enough water last night, so despite sleeping in, my head still hurt at 12:30 this afternoon. Damned pinot noir. And cabernet. And shiraz.
Nonetheless, I think I had a fairly "joyful awakening" so I'm pleased with the results of my polarity session so far. Tomorrow, of course, will be the test... when the alarm clock goes off and class is nigh.
More water + aspirin + chlorella + bath + breakfast = felt much better. Chris was kind enough to share some food with me.
After visiting a bit, I went to Northern Mountain Supply. They had none of my bag in stock, so I'm going to have to call Dana Design and work it out with them. Of course, although I didn't mention it, I have no reservations about simply disputing the charges on my card and getting my money back. Maybe NMS' customer service will be more accommodating then.
Then I ended up at the mall. I spend too much time at these places, feeling starved for it at Heartwood. I found a set of nice sheets at Ross, plus pillow cases, for under $20. No clothes though. Too many great book at Borders. Didn't buy anything, I just write the titles down and get them used online :-)
So by this point I would not be able to make it back home in time for dinner. I called Chris up, found out if he was interested, and we went to Lost Coast Brewery. Unfortunately, I wasn't impressed. My roast beef sandwich was too dry, the seasoned fries were too seasoned, and the bread pudding did not have a pleasing texture. I'll give it a second chance, but next time I'll skip dessert and order a special instead of a standard menu item.
I was definitely thankful to have the dinner company though. Then it was back on the road... I made it home in really good time. There was no traffic on 101, and no fog coming up the hill.
So now that I've gotten home and unpacked, it's really about getting my butt to bed. At least I have nice sheets now.
Posted by Josh A. at 11:34 PM | Comments (0)
November 20, 2004
Party
Well my intention from my polarity session seems to have manifested this morning at least. I woke up fairly light hearted. We'll see how it continues.
Left for Eureka after dinner, a friend (Chris) was having a party. Kind of the opposite of a housewarming, he wants to sell the place. Not a bad scene, and it went well despite my not knowing anybody. I met a couple from the Bay area who seemed pretty cool, some bodyworkers, and Regina Callahan--she's a pretty well known, at least in the area, cranio-sacral teacher. I didn't know it was her until afterward, though, so we talked about cookware rather than cranial work.
The were several wines... the one I liked the best was a Briceland pinot noir. Homemade ice creams, chocolate and vanilla, and homemade cakes, poppy seed and chocolate. All quite yummy.
Hot-tubbing was had, although bathing suits were required. Damned neighbors :) Eventually it was time to sleep. I was thankful to be hosted--no way was I driving back
Posted by Josh A. at 11:34 PM | Comments (0)
October 24, 2004
What an odd day
I had an ortho-bionomy session today. It was powerful. I gotta learn this stuff :-)
Posted by Josh A. at 08:50 PM | Comments (0)
October 23, 2004
Sleepiful
Today was very laid back.
I cleaned/organized, went to the Ortho-Bionomy informational, found out about an Asian bodywork convention I want to go to in SF.
Now I'm up later than I should and too tired to type out any details for you. Next time!
Posted by Josh A. at 11:01 PM | Comments (0)
October 22, 2004
1, 2, 3, SHOP
As I sat down to write, I looked at the quarters and other change I had removed to the desk from my pocket, and remembered that I had thought about doing laundry this weekend. "What's going on with my sock supply," I wondered aloud, "that I have to do laundry two weekends in a row?" Well, I checked, and I have enough socks to last me into next Thursday. So there.
Plus, I want to buy more. Hand me down boots (I hope they fit!) are winging their way to me, as I seem to have lost my old pair :-(beloved Danners bought in preparation for my first New York winter). And so I want more socks.
Thorlo socks, I think. I own exactly one pair, and I think they're in Roseville, and I miss them. They are the most fantastic socks I've owned, not that I'm much of a sock connoisseur. And of course at the store today I encountered new brands of equally fantastic looking socks. The bottom line is: if I'm going to slog through a muddy, rainy, every-day-is-a-day-hike winter here at Heartwood, I'm going to do it with appropriate gear.
I am definitely on an "appropriate gear" kick. Today I drove all the way to Eureka in order to buy a backpack at the highly recommended Northern Mountain Supply.
oK, I was mainly going to get my alignment done, but I would have gone to Eureka just go to NMS sooner or later. Why not combine the two?
But I'm getting ahead of myself. First, you should know that I rose later than I wanted, as usual. The alarm started going off at 6:00am. I hit snooze every 15 minutes until 7:45, at which point I finally got up. It's been suggested that the change of seasons may be the culprit, which suggests a full spectrum lamp on a timer as a possible remedy.
But I this latest pattern still carries resistance, both to entering my bed and to leaving it. There's something there under the surface that needs to be changed. I have been trying consciously to access it for about four years now. Ahh well.
By the time I regained full consciousness, did energy tune-up, got in and out of the shower, and back in my room it was 8:20. I finished getting ready, got up to the Lodge in time to have a bowl of cereal, and hit the road a little after 9:00.
I paid too much for tires, but what was I supposed to do, driving on a donut tire? Ate lunch next door while it all happened, and left for Eureka on time.
The alignment people told me they could have sold me tires cheaper ("No shit, ya think? Shut up.") and then told me that my front left strut is leaking. I asked what that should mean to me, and the bottom line minimum that me and my wallet needed to know is: I have to get it fixed, sooner if not later.
While the alignment people (sounds like some mysterious UFO cult) did their futuro-neato alien technology things to the strange and magical horseless carriage that transports me, I wandered the streets of Eureka like someone who's been in a coma for thirty years. Or, like someone who's been living in an isolated mountain community for three weeks.
There were some neat stores, especially bookstores, but I didn't buy anything unplanned there. I did go to a mall before leaving town, though, and it was so weird. I haven't spent much time in malls in a long time... I was surprised that Zumiez no longer carries Ecko clothing, but Gottschalks has replaced half of their Young Men's section with it.
I remember back when the online Ecko survey asked "What three clothing brands are totally whack?" Ecko has become one of those "whack" brands. Every time I see their stuff the quality has decreased. Very sad, really. There's now nothing in the standard mall price range that I want to wear. Certain discounters and eBay remain my salvation.
Eventually I will learn to make more and more of my own clothes. When I finish school, I'll have more time to work on my knitting skills. I'd also like screen printing equipment... I've wanted it for a long time. Also in the mix, I've found places online that sell quality organic cotton clothing blanks suitable for garment dying, and I'd like to take some tailoring classes at some point.
So Northern Mountain Supply was very good, but not as amazing as I'd hoped.
Yes, the staff was friendly, helpful, knowledgeable, and patient... but their selection of the type of bag I needed has been scaled way back. There was really only one choice for me.
Yes, they did have KINeSYSsunscreen, as promised on the KINeSYS website, but they only had one product in one size.
Anyway, I ended up getting an Emerald City (silver) from Dana Design. Hopefully no more unaligned body for me. :-) I wish the hip belt were fuller and the layout of the organizational pockets different, but maybe once I adapt it will turn out to be 100%, rather than 90%, better than what I've got.
I was planning to have dinner at the Lost Coast Brewery, but it was loud and crowded and I only really cared about their free Wi-Fi... well, my battery no longer holds a charge, and the only two tables with outlets were occupied by large parties.
So I left and had dinner in Redway, at the Mateel Cafe. It was good, but a tad overpriced. Of course, "a tad" rather than "way overpriced" means it's a value in this area. I had veggie lasagna that was very good, if a bit small in portion size. The sauce had a nice garlic bite. The house merlot was sufficient, although not worth what I paid for a glass.
I don't like that going out now mostly means compromising. This must be what it feels like to be an uncommitted vegan. I hold out hope that my eating options in San Francisco will be better. So far all I know is Urban Forage (and I'm not much for raw) and Millennium (too expensive to be a regular thing). And I don't even really know how those places compare to what I'm aiming for.
During my drive I had this vision of a restaurant that wasn't focused so much on some kind of one size fits all diet (doesn't matter if you're vegan, raw, Atkins, or something else) as much as on providing different menus to suit different bodies. Most Americans probably need to avoid moistening and warming foods, sure, but those of us who happen to have Vata constitutions sure would appreciate it!
Well I'm also looking forward to being at home, and working on my whole foods cooking skills. There are resources for that, I'll just need to be taking advantage of them.
On the way home, I did some experimentation with what I think is called "sounding" or "toning"... moving emotions, energy, and "stuff" with the voice, non-verbally. It's a new concept to me that I've been informally introduced to here at Heartwood, and I like the fact that I can do it in the car while driving, and that music can help rather than hinder. Most of my favorite tools don't have either of those qualities.
Basically let what I was feeling express as sound, and allowed myself the non-judgmental freedom to go with whatever wanted to come out. I wish I could have recorded it, it was quite weird, but effective.
The drive up the mountain was rainy and foggy. I was so glad to have new (and aligned) tires! I saw a raccoon and a frog on the way up. Yes, a frog... it was hopping across the road.
Sweet dreams to me, of frogs and whole foods, but not in the same context. Good day to you.
Posted by Josh A. at 11:29 PM | Comments (0)
October 21, 2004
The end of three
I can't say I'm not extremely happy to have this week of classes over. And within all of that, I realized sometime this afternoon that these last three weeks have been the "worst" of the quarter, in terms of my presence, mood, study habits, and information absorption. I realized just how much I need to turn that around.
So even though I spent 3/10ths of the quarter like this, I can still make the best of the last two weeks.
I missed breakfast today. Which means I was almost late to class, too. Yick. And no shower. I felt so gross
So tired in Shiatsu. So tired in Anatomy.
Tonight was sooo nice. I did face & foot care, took a long shower, and now I'm about to go to bed.
Tomorrow, I trek to Redway and Eureka. Whee. Wish me luck.
Posted by Josh A. at 09:27 PM | Comments (0)
October 17, 2004
A series of unfortunate events...
Those who know me well know that rousing me from sleep was the thirteenth Herculean task. I think that accomplishment set the tone for the rest of the day. Even though I was able to get up fairly easily and headed to breakfast, which wasn't the most disappointing today (blueberries!)... a good start couldn't make up for last night.
It was lightly raining on and off, but we decided to check out the marathon anyway. Oh, we knew the runners would run. Something really stopping couldn't stop them. I guess that's how athletes are. You certainly won't find me running in the rain, and that's probably why I'm not an athlete. So whether the marathon was on or not wasn't the question... but whether we would be standing out in the elements to lay hands on their athletic bodies was.
Of course, my party of four didn't really get that far. We had barely made it out of Heartwood when we realized I had a flat.
We changed it and realized the donut was flat.
We went back to Heartwood, tracked down someone in Maintenance, used their compressor to fill it, and headed down the mountain.
Then we got lost.
Several times, in several ways. The hand drawn map we had was not helpful. No one in the car had much of a sense of geography. We stopped and asked directions a couple times.
Finally we arrived, trekked down to the finish area, and looked for our organizer and fellow students. Of course they weren't there. They had arrived, dealt with the weather as long as they could, and hauled ass long before we ever showed up.
Pfft.
We figured we were out in the middle of nowhere in Humboldt County anyway, we might as well do something "local"... stopped at Myers Flat for food and got pizza. It made Kala sick and she threw up in their bathroom.
Good things: the redwoods were beautiful; we wandered around Garberville for a bit, even though most things were closed; I wasn't depending on this event for homework, so I don't have to scramble to find sessions to do tonight.
Posted by Josh A. at 05:10 PM | Comments (0)
October 16, 2004
Unstructured, but nice
I think I hate unstructured days. That means I have to structure them. I only need one event or meeting or session booked, e.g. yesterday, in order to have something to schedule around.
It was kitchen appreciation day. All the kitchen staff went to the ocean or something, and students worked in their stead. They didn't do a bad job, either. Pumpkin pancakes for breakfast, nachos and other mexican-style food for lunch, and something weird for dinner.
I'm coming to the conclusion that processed/refined foods are "numbing", at least for me, and potentially for most people. Perhaps not exactly anesthetizing, but I suspect that they can cut us off from parts of ourselves, defeating attempts at self-awareness. Sympathetically it makes sense: eat whole foods, be a whole being; eat stuff that's been broken up into parts, get broken up into parts.
This would explain why food combining and general awareness of what and how I'm eating seem more important when eating a whole foods diet than not. "More important" = I feel the negative effects when I don't do it. I found myself asking, "Why doesn't food combining matter when I eat crap?" Why, when I leave the mountain, does my first meal result in a stomachache, but subsequent meals feel fine? Perhaps it's not that I feel "fine", but that on some level I don't feel much of anything.
I'm also noticing some potentially supportive evidence in other people. There seems to be a correlation between eating junk food and certain other behaviors; at least, I'm seeing them show up together in some people and not so much apart. The behaviors I see include rarely, if ever, using circle time to process, delve deeply, or express many emotions and a narrower range of emotional expression. Some subjective observations include different quality of touch (not present/distracted, inaccurate, and/or careless), and a predominating expression of what I often interpret as "false joy".
There are some obvious limitations to what conclusions can be drawn from my minimal and unintentional observations, but when I add them to my own personal experience and a possible underlying theory, I think I've got a good hypothesis. It would simply be a matter of a properly designed and administered survey on eating habits and somatoemotional awareness to confirm or deny the correlation.
I received my first deep tissue work ever. Intercostals, abdominals, psoas, iliacus, etc. My psoas were so happy to be touched, probably for the first time.
Supposedly, according to the Mayan calendar, we recently finished up a 13 day cycle of death and entered a 13 day cycle of creation and rebirth. In my lack of awareness of what was going on, I think I may have cut the death cycle short, hence stunting the new growth.
Oh well. Next time.
Posted by Josh A. at 10:03 PM | Comments (2)
October 15, 2004
The yay continues
Quote of the day: "The planning is indispensible. The plan is disposable." - Mikhael Smith, of Movement Magic
Love it.
Movement Magic II was great! It was nice to work a second time with the same people. I can't say any emotional issues came up, but foundation/Kidney stuff did, mostly surrounding my joints and ankles. It's easier to see how that's a foundation issue, but not necessarily easy to connect that to Kidneys... but in TCM they're pretty much the same, as our Kidneys are considered our energetic foundation. They also rule the joints and bones, and the deepest (most yin) parts of our bodies. The ankles are special... lots of Kidney points around our medial malleoli
So most people in America have Kidney issues as well as Liver/Gallbladder stuff goin' on.
I got to borrow some CDs from Mikhael. Great stuff that's new to me, including Taarka, Atman, and Tulku. Never heard of them before!
So chair massage went well. I wish I could say it went great, but it was kind of lackluster in some senses.
It was intended for incoming intensive students (deep tissue intensive starts next week), but most of our chair massage guinea pigs were staff and students. As much as I like the people here, I was really looking forward to interacting with strangers. Well, I got two at least, and one is even an intensive student.
I guess the Redwoods Marathon on Sunday will really be the thing to satisfy me :-)
I ordered next quarter's books. Getting them at least a bit cheaper than I would buying them at the store here. Shipping on most ended up being free, and on one I'm still saving $12 even after shipping. Yay. I had some success with BookFinder, but mostly I used Best Web Buys. I like to start there because it gives me so much good information about a book (e.g. ISBN, price comparison) in an easy layout, and then I like to delve deeper with BookFinder, Amazon, eBay, etc and see if I can't find an even better deal.
Did laundry today. First time in Humboldt county! First half of the quarter I was traveling so much I did it in SF or Sac. The prospect of using coin-op machines was so traumatic that I had to lure myself there with ice cream. Along with laundry soap, I bought mint chocolate chip, at Peter's suggestion, and used it to lure a companion (Kala) to the laundry room.
The ice cream was also a first for me in Humboldt County, as I haven't been consuming any at Heartwood. There are some people here who eat at least a pint a week, along with chocolate, chips, carbonated drinks, etc. Yeah, sure, the ingredients are organic, the oils are higher quality, and there's no corn syrup, etc... but it's still junk food when consumed that way. Chips are probably junk food no matter what.
I enjoy using ice cream as a treat (or as laundry anaesthetic), but chocolate I prefer to use therapeutically. Good quality dark chocolate can be very relaxing (hence the chocolate bar sold by Intelligent Nutrients).
Anyway, laundry's done, and I once again have clean socks.
Next weekend is an Ortho-bionomy workshop I'm really excited about. I do need to find out if it's experiential or just informational, though. Lots of great resources and extra avenues of learning going on around here though. Let's hope my pleasure continues into the week :-)
Posted by Josh A. at 09:47 PM | Comments (1)
Nice beginning
Yay today has been nice so far. Slept in, but not too long... showered, went to breakfast. Had a nice conversation with Mike about vegan fine cooking, and his experiences adapting classical French techniques to whole foods/vegan diets.
Movement Magic II was awesome. It was nice feeling such freedom to move and express in safety. I could really experience the difference between my way of being and moving at the MM done way back at the beginning of the quarter and this time. What a nice confirmation that the practices and processing I've been doing in the interim have actually had a noticeable positive effect.
Today the main issue that came up for me was some experiencing of my "I don't deserve" scripts... what brings them up, ways I prefer to play them out, etc. Very important work for anyone who wants to be in service industries, especially healing arts.
Weird thing about Heartwood food: often things I hate off the mountain they manage to do in a way I really enjoy... and many times they manage to take food I usually like and just fuck it up. The exception is Mexican food, which I love here and anywhere (except upstate New York).
So today they did dolmas... and I've never had a dolma I liked. Todays were really nice. I'm sure the leftovers will appear at the dinner salad bar.
And then there was the hummus. Oh god. Hummus is one of my favorite things. How could they do that to hummus?
Next up: chair massage for incoming intensive students in the welcome center. Time to get ready for that.
Posted by Josh A. at 01:37 PM | Comments (0)
October 10, 2004
Chaka raka roo
I did my second session this morning, and it was nice, but something felt off or lacking. I guess I just need to work on comfort and flow more. I have yet to actually ask a client to set intentions for the setting, but it comes to mind earlier and earlier each time
I didn't manage to book a third session. I felt such defeat coming back down to the dorms.
Highlight of the day: more chakra work. I held my third and first chakras and connected them. Just where I was drawn after reading about them. Holding the first was more emotional than the third. A great sense of "Oh my gosh I'm getting loved and cared for?" The third was more like calming down a temper tantrum.
Posted by Josh A. at 08:11 PM | Comments (0)
October 09, 2004
Another success
The ease continued into today. Not into my waking up, of course. I was draggin' myself out of bed and up the hill!
The last part of Reiki I was woooonderful. We started with circle and I got to hear all my beautiful classmates talk about their attunement experiences. I shared the poem I wrote when I received my attunement. I had quite the adrenaline rush, not sure if I could do the poem justice in front of an audience, but I could feel how amazed they were. Nice ego trip for a few minutes :)
Second half was spent doing group treatments, which were also beautiful. I was invited to be one of six to work on the instructor, and we finished with an om circle and group hug
I'm pleased to have so many more reiki people on campus now. I wanted to do healing circles starting the first week, and I did get one together, and we never did it again... kinda let it fall by the wayside. Now perhaps new people will be eager to practice and we can make time for it.
The prospective students are here, so the food is more mainstream like. I cynically saw no other motive for it than luring people (and their money) to attend here, but Janna pointed out that psychologically it's easier on people who don't have much other choice for eating during their visit, and that the food over time here has progressed from that type of more mainstream food to our current diet. It's nice that they ease us in without my even realizing it. No, actually, I just thought they were losing steam!
I was sitting at lunch lamenting how irritating it was to be required to do my three sessions this week on staff, faculty, or prospective students... as I've had trouble asking/advertising... and suddenly today's session came to me, easily. A staff member was walking by, I called her over, offered, and we scheduled it.
Then when I was up at the store, I ran into someone who started asking me about what classes were like for me, what program I was in, and then offered himself for practice. So I scheduled that for tomorrow morning.
Woo.
My last session for the weekend will come just as easily.
Tonight I tried to write my scholarship essay, but it didn't come quite so easily. I did some yoga, a focus spiral, and them some TAT to get myself into a place to just be a channel for it, and I wrote a hand-written page worth, but damn. I've got a long way to go.
Posted by Josh A. at 08:43 PM | Comments (0)
October 08, 2004
Yay easier
First, today has been a wonderful transition from ^HELL WEEK^ and into a calmer, more graceful ease.
Yesterday I forgot to mention the highlight of my day. For the first time ever in our class, Erica asked at the beginning if anyone would like to lead us in warming up. I volunteered immediately. I started people stretching and jumping up and down, and then explained that I like to do an energy tuneup each morning, but didn't get to do it today and so they all got to do it with me.
It's basic, takes only five minutes, and they loved it. It was relevant because it involves some points we do, but it was also fresh because it involves some energy work we don't do in shiatsu, like cross crawls and crown pulls.
So I led the class like a giddy little boy. All I needed was some pajamas with feet. Not exactly Masterful, but nothing to be scorned in my opinion.
So Sarah's show was great, although much of her work revolves around relationships... not sure I was in a great place for all of THAT, but I guess it's good that I was more sensitive to being touched by it than I might usually be. It was mostly singing/guitar, but also some nice spoken word stuff. Most of it was very funny.
One of her songs is about her first yeast infection; it's a sing-a-long and the chorus goes "In myyyy-yy-yy VA GI NA." She encouraged guys to sing along and be open to profound experiences while doing so ;-)
Another that sticks out in my memory was about the perils of sensitive New Age men and how dating them isn't always what it's cracked up to be.
I stayed up until 6:45am doing my 5 Elements art project. At least it's done, out of the way, and I don't have to worry about it all week. My choices seemed to be: spend 7 hours last night busting it out in order to obtain something decent, or work twice that long over the course of the weekend and next week in order to turn in something lame.
See, in order to have it printed, shipped, and delivered on time, I had to have it to the printer this morning. Eastern Time. So it got mailed out this afternoon. And it should arrive here on Wednesday.
Since mail is only delivered here three times a week, it wouldn't have worked to have it shipped Monday.
So I did a nice 24x24 poster, digitally... the alternative was to cobble together something handmade, at a place where I have zero studio space, precious few art supplies, haven't been feeling enough creative abundance to create seriously in a physical way, and the closest art store is at least an hour away.
I think I made the best choice, but who knows. Anyway, here's what I came up with:
Notice the colors in the center. They symbolize the "control cycle", for example Water controls Fire (it extinguishes it), Earth controls Water (think riverbanks), etc, so the color for Water overlays a bit of Fire's space, the color for Earth overlays ab it of Water's space, etc.
The thing I realized after finishing is that the shape in the center, the pentagon, is the Discordian symbol for control. So I was really pleased with that bit of unconscious symbolizing.
You can download a PDF version if you'd like to print a copy for yourself. Just don't sell it or try to turn it in like you did it ;-)
So after sleeping and finally waking, it was on to lunch and then Reiki!
Soyka decided to offer Reiki I this quarter, and when she first announced it I wondered if I shouldn't take it. I believe one can get benefits out of multiple attunements, and at first I wasn't really sure about mine. Of course, the next day or so I had that heart chakra experience, and that really bolstered my confidence in my abilities. All the same, I definitely wanted to receive the in person instruction (my first attunement was done via distance).
I was really glad I went all around. It was great to be in Soyka's presence and energy outside of a science class. I got some good leads on reiki books. I took notes on some details about how the class was run. And two big things happened.
The first had to deal with my attunement issue. I got to try Soyka's pendulum after she explained how to use it, but I was not successful with it. Of course, it's hers and doesn't work so well for others, and I need the least obstacles possible ;-) She used it and determined that my attunement was fully functional and I didn't need another one.
I stayed while she attuned the others; it was beautiful to watch. By the end of class, I had worked through the stuff and realized that it wasn't that I "need another level one attunement", which implies that I'm not at the right spot, but just my impatience. What I am really desiring is my level two attunement, and while coming from a place of want & lack transformed that into "oK, another level one attunement is better than nothing."
Nothing like desperate, unproductive stabs of action into the dark to waste one's time, right?
There's a lot mixed up in here of being comfortable with where I'm at, allowing time for the process, and trusting that when the student is ready, the circumstances align and opportunity presents itself.
Soyka is planning to offer Reiki II next quarter, but I'm going to talk to her. Perhaps she would be willing to do it one on one before then, and maybe I could then help with the class.
The other great thing that happened was I got to work with runes for the first time. I've seen runes before, but always managed to avoid them. I'm not sure why, something about them always seemed so spartan and inelegant about them, especially compared to tarot cards.
But, they called to me today, so I drew three and looked them up in the book... it was really nice. I was so impressed I continued to work with them during class breaks, and had a much better time with them than I ever have with tarot, at least working on my own.
We finally got pizza this week. They didn't do it on Wednesday, because open house students came today and they wanted to be able to serve them pizza. They also made cookies, lots of cookies, four different types. Bribin' the prospectives with baked goods, eh? ;-)
THEN it started to rain. I was so displeased. I ran back to the lower dorms in my t-shirt. Blah.
It's weird, I don't really feel like I've entirely gotten back yet. This kind of feels like the first day. What happened to that whole week? It went by like an eye blink. I'm glad I stayed this weekend, otherwise I'd be leaving feeling like I had just barely arrived.
Posted by Josh A. at 11:51 PM | Comments (1)
September 26, 2004
Folsom St. Fair 2004
I sooo slept in. Very nice. Basic overview of the day: get up, get ready, get dressed, go to Folsom St. Fair, enjoy, come home, figure out dinner, watch movie, go to bed.
Choosing what to wear for Folsom St. wasn't the easiest. I haven't bought new gear in years. My interests have shifted (and enlarged), and my identity has evolved. Also, I was working with my normal hair and no haircut. (Obtaining a haircut the day before, let alone the day of, an event like this is not an easy prospect.)
When in doubt, dress down. Way down. Try boots, cowboy hat, and a jockstrap. Less is more. In this case, a lot more, as in "exposed flesh". Thank gods for spray-on sunscreen.
Getting to Folsom St. in a car is like an upper circle of hell... not the worst thing ever, but certainly not how you'd want to spend an afternoon or an afterlife. We thought we had it made, following Steve in his little Crossfire, his Costco membership in hand, my warning to be conscious of not losing me in his head.
So of course he ends up going through a yellow light, leaving me having to stop as it turns red. To his credit, he tried to pull over and wait for us, turning onto a side street, but the found that he had no room to turn around. I didn't see him turn down it, and we couldn't see him as we drove past, and thusly we were lost.
Eventually, we found public parking, gladly paid the vulture his $10, and trotted on down to the fair. Amazingly enough, we ran into Steve almost straightaway, not to mention several friends. Funny how that works. I couldn't find Mike or dave, though, and the crowd was too large to get pics at Mark I. Chester's. I was a bit disappointed, but not surprised. I kinda hate Folsom St. Fair.
FSF is large... huge even... too big. Too big to fit. Sad to say, but it's not that hard to reach my limit. And it'd be one thing if it were filled with sleazy naked folks. But a large percentage of the attendees are what some of us call "tourists"... people who may or may not even know what the fair's about just come to check things out.
It's also an excuse for some people to put on outfits that don't really belong anywhere at all... well, maybe Burning Man... and wear them on the streets of San Francisco. And what? Like anyone wants to be the person who decides what "counts", what's appropriate or not, as a fetish. Who am I to say that a blue bodysuit and yellow feathers isn't your "thing".
I can't exactly go up to a person and ask, "Does it turn you on to wear this? Would you have sex in this outfit? Oh, wearing this outfit IS sex for you? Great, ok, carry on." Or better/worse yet have to explain, "I'm sorry, this is a sexuality fair. This venue was not created simply so you could play dress up. Go to Mardi Gras. Bye now."
When we got home and tried to figure dinner out, Steve mentioned the word "barbeque". Mmm. Ordered from Big Nate's Barbeque, got our food delievered a little late, but really enjoyed it. Des and I had Memphis Pork sandwiches and Steve had pork ribs. The website is wrong, they don't have carrot pie anymore. The sweet potato pie they do have wasn't bad, though.
Honestly, it just made me miss Dinosaur and Beal St. I get a little down on myself, SF, and life when I find myself missing Rochester.
Rochester, stop it. Rochester, you are too cold in the winter. Rochester, I don't want to live in you. Rochester, you're too far from my family. Rochester, why do you have to be so close to other people I care about?
Posted by Josh A. at 07:32 PM | Comments (4)
September 25, 2004
Typical evening in SF
Well, had a nice drive to SF. Traffic didn't make me scratch my own eyes out. There was congestion in the usual places: Roseville, Fairfield, outside Vallejo, etc. For the first time, I took the "SF Only" lane on the left just before entering the city; I think it helped some, but not as much as a Search & Destroy front-mounted missile launcher would.
Des & I went to Shakespeare in the park... successfully rode the bus both ways... got honked at, along with the other pedestrians, in the crosswalk for no reason other than the drivers' impatience. Stopped in the middle of the road, turned, looked at then, then turned back and continued walking. Arrived at the park, spread our blankets, ate our food, gave up, went home. (Wet ground + cold wind + insufficient sound system = miserable confusion.)
We bought a bar of Dagoba (which doesn't seem to have a website) on my suggestion, and of course it was the worst ever. Who knew not to try that flavor? I assumed all their chocolates were at least fantastic, even if not necessarily all equally good.
Came home, kidnapped Steve, went for dessert. I quite enjoy Sweet Inspirations. I had a strawberry tart and COFFEE. After five weeks at Heartwood, it's a guilty pleasure
You know, tarts, with their pretty fruit toppings, are something I almost never order. I'm always afraid that I'm judging a book too positively by its cover, and that what's underneath that beautiful exterior will prove dry or tasteless or both. But not at Sweet Inspirations. Their tart filling was nummiful and happy making.
Posted by Josh A. at 10:32 PM | Comments (2)
September 18, 2004
Jummy
Today was pretty low key. No real processing, insights, or realizations.
But, I did give my best session ever. :-) It flowed really nice, and I was able to break from the form and respond to what I was hearing in their body.
Lunch was like a picnic, tofu burger, cous cous with tomatoes, corn on the cob. Dinner was Indian. Jum.
Posted by Josh A. at 11:51 PM | Comments (0)
September 13, 2004
I'm in my own personal hell
The trip started out so well. They towed my car, I left the apartment at 12:30pm, caught the muni and bart early, left Richmond on time, arrived at Martinez... California's Own Gateway to Hell.
I had an hour to kill and was hungry, so I wandered into the terminal. There was a little coffee/snack shop kind of thing, and I looked and I looked. Not one single item of food or drink (other than water) in it. All the cold beverages contained artificial sweeteners or corn syrup. Almost all of the food was processed and pre-packaged. I finally purchased the overpriced chinese chicken salad (which, admittedly, comes very close to counting as food) and opted to continue drinking my own water.
The bus driver was 40 minutes late, and yet still took a 30 minute dinner break later in the evening. Again I was hungry, and I ate at Burger King with everyone else. I felt awful, my stomach did not appreciate it.
Somewhere in Mendocino he was about to turn left when half the people all pointed and shouted, "Right! Turn right!"
The he drove past Garberville. One Garberville exit. Two Garberville exits. Bam. Some woman called out, "You just passed Garberville. JESUS CHRIST." As I was getting off the bus, someone was giving him directions back to 101.
So I was dropped off at my stop over TWO hours late. Of course my ride was not there. I called and was told a backup plan had been made and that someone on their way home from Eureka would be checking the stop for me at midnight.
At 12:30am I got a motel room. Cost: $48. Worth: $20. There wasn't even an alarm clock.
Posted by Josh A. at 11:32 PM | Comments (0)
September 12, 2004
Stranded
Well, I am stuck in San Francisco.
Auto shops aren't open on Sundays.
The buses to Garberville for the day left hours ago.
The people I'm with can't drive me to school; I don't know who I could call who could.
Life kinda sucks sometimes.
Posted by Josh A. at 04:36 PM | Comments (0)
September 10, 2004
Back to the outside world
Yay weekend. I slept in, went to lunch (beautiful mexican food!), packed, drove, arrived in SF.
101 was ridiculous in some parts, but I guess that's par for the course. I found a neat natural foods store somewhere in Mendocino County and bought Des some organic chocolate. With traffic, I only arrived in the city an hour late.
I found Des and Steve as starving as I was; we tried to go to Nirvana, didn't want to wait 15 minutes, and went to Luna up the street a bit. A bit more expensive, a bit less good, and a lot more LOUD (it was full of raucous queers)... that would be how I would describe Luna.
We ran into another Steve, with Ian on the way there... and afterward we went to Pilsner so Des could introduce me to some of his friends, and I already knew one of them... so that was amusing. Rick was there, drunk as a... really drunk creature.
Sleepy time soon, and we have to decide exactly what we're doing tomorrow.
Posted by Josh A. at 11:38 PM | Comments (0)