November 01, 2004
What the funk?
Tonight I find myself wondering if I really like sadness and pain and struggle and such more than other feelings. I think I might feel more alive when feeling and working with those things. Maybe that's how I've learned to know I'm still alive.
Then I wonder why I'm up this late. I'm sooo not caring. I'm three days away from 'tween quarter break, and I am so ready for it. I have evals in the morning and a test in the afternoon and I just don't care. I could probably not even show up for the test and still pass the class. I think I could get a C on it and still get honors in the class. I'm thinking about just staying up until breakfast.
I really hope I'm ready for next quarter when it begins.
Posted by Josh A. at 11:15 PM | Comments (0)
October 10, 2004
Top of the WHO?
For the last week I've been noticing that each day I wake up resistant. I feel repelled by consciousness, by the world "out there" and the prospect of being in it. "Yuck," I think to myself. And once I get out of bed and do energy tuneup, I feel fine. More awake, more connected. Today I was able to consciously get out of bed knowing that the "yuck" would go away in just 5 minutes.
But this gets me thinking that maybe my energy's getting reversed during sleep, and I'd like to know why, or at least how to prevent it.
Posted by Josh A. at 07:46 AM | Comments (0)
September 02, 2004
Clothing labels
Yay last day of class. In some sense I feel so owned. When I see a little tag on the outside of clothing, I am comforted. When an item has no label or marking at all, I want to reject it. It's free floating, and I can't place it. It's not named, marked, or branded... a logo is the anchor for a thin thread connecting every piece back to its home, orientating it within an n-dimensional space.
Where do I locate you along the cachet axis? The corporate/grassroots axis? The cool/uncool axis? The subculture axes?
And in another sense I feel really right. Of course I would put my name on my creations. I would want to create a narrative around them. We're just so used to narratives that exploit us and our desires, or elevate things which don't serve us, or elevate inauthentically... co-opt things that do serve us (or things we think serve us) solely to sell.
I can conceive of a narrative in which lack of tags IS the message, or part of it. But I don't/won't feel wrong if my reception of that message is one of disinterest. I just want to get out of the judging, comparing, looking down on thing.
How would a company be received if their first goal was something other than making $? "Our purpose is to ______" rather than "Our purpose is to generate profit for our shareholders."
Posted by Josh A. at 01:24 PM | Comments (2)