November 22, 2004
One day, it will be Monday and then
Today was not as bad as a Monday could have been.
I talked to Amy about how I have tended to experience bodywork class here.
She first met me, and spent most all of our interaction time, in Communication Skills class. I explained how this meant that she got to know me "in my element". I don't just swim in it, I do tricks in it. I play and jump about excitedly in it.
Modality classes are the opposite. They are on my edge. They often bring up strong emotions in me. I often feel a need for more attention in class, more help, more support. I sometimes feel like the worst student in the class. So I summed it up, saying, "This is hard for me."
She thanked me for bring it to her awareness, and class went amazingly smooth today. I felt more supported, the time went by quickly, and we covered arms and anterior legs.
Kinesiology was fun and went by fast. We looked at movers of the neck/head and spine/trunk. We'll have to know the major movers, their actions, and their origins and insertions... down pat. Flash cards will be essential, I think.
I feel behind already, really out of it with the muscular anatomy. I still don't have a feel in my body for, say, the splenius muscles, or the obliques (let alone cervicus versus capitus, or internal versus external). Hey, getting clear on hamstrings versus quads was a big deal for me. And I still don't think I have a trapezius. It's a really thin muscle and I just don't feel the dang thing. It's not like the sternocleidomastoid that just bulges out when we turn our head to one side.
We did this posture exercise, and Soyka came around to adjust my head & neck... she explained that at the point when I, internally and subjectively, feel alignment, my chin and head are still out, saying "You're a future kind of guy, come back to the present." Well, I walked around like that and it's amazing how a simple postural change can bring up such emotional discomfort. Big surprise, I'm not really comfortable in the present. Who is? Go read The Power of Now again.
Watching anatomy with Doc Ock freaks me out. Our entire head pivots around a very small vertebral protrusion called the odontoid process... and it's just not very big around. Any good bottom can tell you, it's girth that's important. So watching a dissection of a real live (dead) atlanto-axial joint just brings too strongly into my reality the fact that the only thing standing between us and a dislocated head is this leeeetle pinky finger looking excuse for a bone. Oh, and a network of insanely strong ligaments, fascia, and layer after layer of muscles. But who's counting.
Tonight was Supervised Practice.
It. Was. Awesome.
I walked into the Kiva to find hot massage music playing, candles, and dimmed lights.
One word: Erica.
To paraphrase Jana, "This was earth-mama-nurturing show-you-what-it's-all-about" tone setting and space holding. She had asked us to come in a full half hour early, and this was why. We had time to do some movement, come together in a circle, and listen to an important song she wanted us to hear.
Some of us find ourselves missing Erica and Kassy, not just because we like them, but because of the space they held for us. I have no doubt that Amy can do so amazingly well; I don't understand why she hasn't seemed to do so with us.
So even though I had difficulty remembering the way we were shown to work the arms, and felt really off with the treatment, and have pain in my mid-back... the energy was great, my client was so grateful, and Erica said my body mechanics looked great. (Yeah, I looked around to see who she was talking to.)
So according to Louise Hay, mid-back pain can represent guilt/not releasing the past. I'm just hoping this shift upwards means I've made good progress with the Kidney work I've been doing. I wonder if mid-back isn't related to the Lungs.
We got our TCM cups tonight. I bought four, two small and two large. I cannot wait to begin using them. I think I wrote about them when we did cupping in Shiatsu last quarter, but basically you create a vacuum in them and apply them to the skin. The suction keeps them on. Great for dispersing excess... helping colds and flus... and it feels really good :)
Posted by Josh A. at 11:55 PM | Comments (0)
November 17, 2004
Trudging through the week
Technically I got out of bed in time for yoga. By the time I was ready to walk up the hill, however, yoga had already started. Next time.
Being up this late, I doubt that "next time" will be tomorrow morning. I feel "bad" about that... only going to yoga once this week? That puts me "behind". I'm going to have to deal with this issue sooner rather than later.
We spent most of massage class doing one of our classic heart circles. I got to set the tone, posing the question, "How deep do you go?" to the class. The question is ambiguous, but no one seemed to interpret it differently than the first person to share. Oh well. The circle still accomplished much.
Afterward we discussed a body mechanics handout. I feel a bit resistant. I almost asked, "How 'bout we just do floor swedish?"
Hydrotherapy class rocks. First, Erica (our Shiatsu teacher last quarter) is in it as a student. Second, today's class involved using the sauna and hot tub. Third, it only lasts for five weeks. Soyka brings science into it, and I experienced my heart rate going from 78 to 108 (before & after sauna). Over the next four weeks, we'll learn about foot baths, hot packs, salt glows, and suchlike.
At dinner I talked with some other students about my meltdown experience yesterday and its aftermath. Interesting things arising from it, but I'm not ready to talk about them.
After dinner, there was a showing of Fahrenheit 9/11, which I had not seen yet. It was a great opportunity to practice presence, feeling and observing myself and my body through the different emotions the film evoked.
I'm hoping to do a polarity session to work on my sleep issues soon. I talked with Nick about it all, and described some of the facets and layers of the problem I've explored so far.
There's also the possibility for me to receive a Mayan abdominal massage this week, but I don't know if it will actually happen.
In the meantime, sleep.
Posted by Josh A. at 11:43 PM | Comments (0)
November 15, 2004
First day of class, part deux!
Well, much to tell. Of course it starts last night, as I lay in bed for hours in that "between" state, finding all the normal techniques I use for shutting down my mind failing and the thoughts just running and running and sleep remaining ever farther away. You know I was pleased when my alarm clock went off at 5:30.
I found myself resistant to yoga class. I tried to just witness my thoughts running by; ridiculous things. Hugh Prather wrote, "The ego is always making up signs of defeat just so it can tell itself it was in a fight." Mine was on overdrive.
I coped with the hour long class, and did manage to learn something... or rather, feeling something more deeply I previously only grasped intellectually. I found myself feeling self-conscious during part of class, and then the knowing came, "If someone's busy looking at me, they'll be missing out on paying attention to their self." Of course I've heard and said that multiple times in the past, but I had never experienced it, especially from this perspective.
This quarter's modality class is called "Massage Theory & Techniques". Calling it "Swedish" would not, it turns out, do it justice (especially considering that we get two weeks of Polarity). Of course, calling it "Neo-Reichian" would just be inviting trouble... although we apparently will be getting into material that draws from Reich's work.
So after listening to Amy talk about where she's coming from and a bit about what we'll be doing, I'm able to be excited about the class. To be frank, traditional Swedish bores me. What can it do that other modalities can't do better? That's not actually a rhetorical question. If there's a valid answer, I want to hear it.
Of course, I was excited to be back in a circle in the Kiva with Amy and my fellow students. I'd be excited to be in, say, auto shop class with them. I can only imagine Amy teaching auto shop. Some people do do reiki on cars though...
We talked about bellies in class. About proper breathing versus America's Cult of Thinness and the body image dysfunctionality we're socialized into. And I was reminded of the allure of the belly. I love when people take an outer layer off and stretch their arms up and just briefly a sliver of belly becomes visible. Flat, round, hairy, smooth... even female... perhaps I was supposed to be Japanese. Supposedly they're all about the hara.
Monday's this quarter (or at least the first half) are Community Lunch with Surya for any interested. One thing we talked about was intentions for the quarter. I set intentions for continuing to learn to be in my own power, to learn how to better maintain my desired ways of Being while off the mountain (I find myself too chameleon like), and to continue to hone my time management skills (to that end, I brought my copy of The 7 Habits with me from Sacramento.)
Next up was Kinesiology... studying the way the muscles and bones move, posture, gravity, and suchlike. As Soyka described the course contents, I found myself growing more excited. Of course I pretty much like learning anything new. Well, anything out of a book that is.
Apparently muscle testing is beyond the scope of a basic kinesiology class. From what she talked about, it seemed different than the muscle testing in Applied Kinesiology. Which also is supposedly very advanced. They only teach it to Super Secret Western Medical Club members, i.e. doctors and nurses.
In class I realized I have another intention for this quarter, and that is to shed further layers of old schooling patterns. I did an ok job dropping old high school patterns. This quarter I should be able to go a few levels deeper.
I'm excited about random events that will be happening this quarter. Soyka should be teaching Reiki II. Kassy is teaching me how to make bone marrow soup. I may actually teach an EFT seminar. And I'm set on doing group reiki circles.
I find our Monday schedule so irritating. We have exactly two hours of free time during a day that starts at 7:00am and ends at 9:15pm. And one of those hours could be occupied by Tai Chi, if one were so inclined. I am, as Paul is teaching the Yang form this quarter. But I don't know that I'll go. I need that hour.
Supervised Practice took place after dinner. Of course we don't have anything to practice yet. We did "body exploration", which translates to, "Here, try to give a massage even though you've received no formal training!" So shoulder rubs in the dorm hallway during finals week, or naked foreplay in bed at 3am, are one thing... having someone properly draped on a table in front of you with a bottle of "massage lubricant" holstered around your waist is another.
Add 12 exhausted students and stir.
Posted by Josh A. at 09:26 PM | Comments (0)
November 03, 2004
Second to last day of my First Quarter
Today was another fairly enjoyable day.
I received amazing feedback this morning in Shiatsu. Heartfelt feedback that touched me; I started to cry. Oh, and the word "rockstar" was used :-)
The constructive criticism revolved not around my bodywork but around my attitude toward myself, confidence, and self-love. I appreciate that she cares about me; at the same time I'm supporting myself in not immediately feeling like I'm not "doing enough" or moving "fast enough" in my process.
We also did a little intro to reflexology and got to play with some hot stones. Ahh, end of quarter miscellany.
Tomorrow is our final heart circle in Shiatsu! Of course, not long from now we'll come back together and circle up again for Swedish, Day One!
Speaking of heart circles, had an amazing final circle in Conscious Communication Skills. I expressed some appreciations: for each of my classmates, their presence and commitment, their sharing, their struggles, their victories; for Amy allowing us to claim some space to do the things we needed to do in the class that weren't necessarily on the syllabus; and for the safety our group has created.
We've received comments multiple times from multiple sources that not many classes in the past have created the safety and caring that our class has. I've never experienced anything like it before, and I have no idea how I'm going to even approximate it elsewhere come May, but in the meantime I'm planning to enjoy every single benefit from it I can.
Anyway, I remember back to Day One of CCS... and what I shared that day was a nakedly honest summation of my struggles with emotions, emotional situations, and speaking from my heart.
Fast forward, 10 weeks of CCS later... in the past, assuming I even got words out at all, I would have left feeling dissatisfied... "How could I have forgotten to say _____?" and frustration with my words not truly expressing the feelings I wanted to convey.
Tonight, however, I said everything I needed to say, powerfully, connectedly. If there could ever be a "Final" for CCS, tonight was it, and it can only be graded by the individual. Tonight I aced it.
I'm not happy about Proposition 66 being defeated.
I'm livid about 11 states banning gay marriage. Anyone who is delusional enough to believe that "America is a place where we don't have to worry about getting killed for our beliefs" needs to check into the myriad cases of transexual murder victims.
And if you don't think gay marriage bans and the killing of transfolk have anything to do with each other, you're in the wrong room... the remedial class is down the hall.
I got to do more calligraphy tonight, and Melissa joined us. It was really nice.
I hope I can find my old brushes and ink in Sac. I'll probably head to Chinatown in SF at some point anyway.
Oh, and now I finally have an excuse to own one of those zen boards one "paints" on with water. I'm pretty sure Under One Roof sells them, and it's for a good cause ;-)
I went to the Wellness Clinic today and picked up some supplies... Six Flavor Tea Pills, Chlorella, and ginger tea. To build yin, gently cleanse and build, and keep me warm, respectively. Suddenly I wonder if I shouldn't use Eight Flavor pills, but one thing at a time, right?
So the Six Flavor pills are a general yin tonic... most people in America are yin deficient. So we'll see how I like it. I suspect I may have a constitutional Kidney deficiency, but I'm not sure. Even though these pills are specifically a Kiney tonic, the'll help.
The chlorella is very building/tonifying in general (nice), as well as cleansing. After being raised on a diet of processed foods, I certainly need it. Should increase my energy, and would balance my blood sugar if I needed it. It's also good support to have while visiting the city.
The ginger tea helps keep the center warm without burning the yin off. Can't build yin if I'm just burning it up. So I'm cutting out the hot spices I've been experimenting with, cutting back on cinnamon, and sticking mainly with turmeric and the ginger tea.
Anyway, supplements in hand, I'm so ready for break. Just gotta pack up, get through tomorrow, and then I'm off.
Ha. I make it sound so simple. It could take me all of break to pack, and then it'd be Sunday and I'd have to unpack it all again.
Posted by Josh A. at 11:17 PM | Comments (1)
November 02, 2004
Surprise!
"It's funny," I just found myself thinking. Each moment conditions the next, which means that in some sense the present conditions the "future", but--and here's what's funny--so unpredictably.
Almost nothing about last night pointed to a good day today. I stayed up too late, which means not enough sleep. I didn't stay up doing anything terribly "useful"... like, say, studying for the anatomy test. And I felt so disconnected, in a place of just "not caring".
And so when I got into bed, I did my perineal rocking, went through my nightly reiki list, did some acupressure, set some intentions, and hoped for "The Best".
It came.
This morning I managed to get out of bed in time for breakfast. Not enough time to take a shower but! today's Shiatsu class was dedicated to evaluations, and mine wasn't until 11:45. So after breakfast I got to take my shower, go over my shiatsu notes, do some studying for anatomy, and still do what I needed to do for class.
My eval went great. I was perfect on timing, fit what I needed to fit in to the allotted time, remembered most of the pre-session interview components, and remained nicely present the whole time. I received warm comments at the end, and will hear more detailed feedback tomorrow in class.
Science test was fine. Ohhh my gosh I stressed too much... not much, but it was still too much. I missed like two. Sure that comes out to like 6%, but it still puts me in the A range.
Ok, you see that last paragraph right there? Totally old patterns being replayed. I crammed at the last second; I won't even be able to pass that same test a month from now. I endured a stress response for no real return, and ended up depending on a grade for solace.
Here's another test, a pop quiz: Which will matter more to my future clients: that I correctly answered "rectus femoris" for #4 during some test in massage school, or that I know how to find and treat it on their body?
After dinner, Martha taught me some chinese calligraphy. I've never done it before, but have wanted to for some time.
These were some of the first, mostly Wood and Earth:
There was my attempt at "Good Fortune":
And then there was this... it's not too bad, but definitely not what it's "supposed to be"... but you and I have a hard time knowing that.
Anyway, doing the calligraphy took a lot of energy at first, and requires mindfulness. I can see how it could be a serious practice, just like yoga or tai chi. I tried to make the strokes from my hara rather than my arm, with mixed success. An interesting exercise, nonetheless. I'm looking forward to doing more tomorrow night.
And that's that... hopefully getting into bed soon!
Posted by Josh A. at 10:43 PM | Comments (1)
October 28, 2004
On again!
What a great day. It all starts with the morning, doesn't it?
I wore my new silk long johns today; quite the reaction was garnered. Oh to keep me warm--without overheating--in style.
Shiatsu was great. We had an acupoint test and I found out that I knew more than I thought I did.
Then we played a 5 Element Game (games! I love the end of a quarter!) and my team almost won. Our team name was "Tessa Jo" which made me picture southern belles. The game involved drawing slips of paper on which were written an aspect of an Element or Organ--for example, it might say "Mental disease, stuttering, confusion" and the answer would be Heart (houses the Shen)--and acting it out; the remaining teams had to guess the answer correctly.
To end class, we listened to more of a Caroline Myss CD. *Bless* that woman, but only because I'm trying to eliminate "damn" from my vocabulary. I think I hear some good points in there, but my mind is so busy trying to filter the chaff that I'm not really sure. If ever a person needed our Conscious Communication Class, not to mention some General Semantics training, it's her! So many You Statements, externalizing, and issuances that sound very much like judgments.
Put bluntly, Caroline Myss is the Dr. Laura of the healing world.
All right, really it's "I view Caroline Myss as the Dr. Laura of the healing world." But I'm hoping the less semantically responsible statement will show up on Googlism's entry for her.
Between lunch and dinner I got 4 (or maybe only 3?) pages of coloring done. In any case, it was enough :-)
I gave a session today, to someone's mother. That was a neat opportunity. It went very well, and I got a 10 on my feedback form.
I called my grandma. Today was her birthday! Yay. Send her your love, prayers, and reiki if you like.
I finally felt on in anatomy class today. The first time I've felt this on since break. Soyka showed up despite experiencing some sciatica. After class I had to express my appreciation for her presence, as I know that were I in her situation I would have been home or at the chiropractor's.
We palpated asses today :-) oK, no, we palpated gluteals and adductors. I already knew how to find piriformis, but I didn't know much about gluteus maximus or medius.
Tonight was Coffee House! Woo. So many community members shared of themselves and their interests with us. I read some poetry. It was amazing to see the diversity of talent, especially from people I never would have expected to do this or that. There was actual coffee (only time the kitchen serves it) and some yummy treats.
It was nice to read [i sing of Olaf glad and big] in front of an audience again, as well as my own stuff. Most of it I've never performed before, so that's kind of stressful. The entire experience always has me so hopped up on adrenaline that I shake visibly.
One thing I'm still unhappy about: Why don't they have this on FRIDAY so that any of our family or friends who have JOBS might be able to come see us?
Stayed up late afterward dancing. It was generally fantastic, but sad reality dropped in: I need to get some records. I'm not satisfied with the DJs here, and the only answer seems to be to take my own turn at the turntables.
I was thinking more about mornings, and waking up in general, and am having a hard time finding an answer to this question: What is the best time of day to wake up? Um, ick. I have this good feeling waking up in the morning, but I can't romanticize it. Someone sang a song at coffee house about "when we rise in the morning" and I felt sick.
I have definite issues with the social/cultural energy around mornings; some kind of aversion gets triggered. I remember for the longest time I couldn't get out of bed if someone was around and could see me. I had to be alone to get up. Sometimes I still feel that way.
At the same time, as much as I've enjoyed getting up in the afternoons in the past, I don't know how often I've felt that within the last year or two. Mostly I've felt this sense of urgent disappointment, accompanied with thoughts and worry about "How am I going to get anything done waking up this late?"
Waking up at night actually sucks for me. It's all about staying up until, not waking up in the middle of.
Obviously the answer is to have two of me so that one can sleep all the time and the other can be awake all the time. Actually, I believe a single 24 hour sleeping me could power three other me's. And wouldn't that be productive and wonderful?
Speaking of which, I want to be up at 6:30 to do the cadaver field trip.
Posted by Josh A. at 11:14 PM | Comments (0)
October 18, 2004
Mondays, mondays, everywhere
This morning's experimental question: "Which is more important, yoga or showering?" My hypothesis was that yoga is more important than showering. I tested it by, after waking to find it was too late to do both, skipping the shower and heading to The Barn. Midway into the class, I had gathered sufficient research data to support the hypothesis, leading to the conclusion that: Yes, indeed, yoga IS more important than showering.
I'm thinking that 10pm for bed isn't going to cut it... next up is 9:30.
Breakfast was yummy today, and I had toasted almonds and a quarter of a pomegranate with it.
Monday is nutrition lecture day! We talked about sugars, glyconutrients, wild blue-green algae, and fats & oils. Sounds like good fats are an even harder proposition than good carbs, mostly because it's harder for consumers to know what to look for.
Anyway, I've been thinking on the reality that food can be such a touchy subject for people. I mean, really, we are talking about the ways in which we survive, take care of ourselves, love and nourish ourselves and our families... the choice of what we put into our bodies is a very intimate one.
If you ever view my words as trying to make that choice for others, you can rest assured that was not my intention. Rather, my intention is to make information about such choices available.
Of course, nothing you'll read here about nutrition isn't already available. You can just buy Paul's book if you're really interested. As much as it's about the information, it's more about my learning process, aspects of lecture that were highlights for me, etc.
Anyway, funny thing about oils. I've heard people say things regarding massage oil like, "If you're going to rub it on your body it should be good enough to eat." But what's good enough to eat, considering that most of us consume horrible oils? "Food grade" is pretty meaningless... have you noticed what we let the companies get away with calling "food"?
I got Silas' permission to share his heart circle check-in with you. Today was three words only, and he said:
Present, needing fat
I really liked it, so there it is.
Lots of stuff in Shiatsu over chair massage. I was thinking really negatively about my experience, as seen in yesterday's entry. I shared some of that during our roundtable discussion, and the responses I got from folks really helped me clarify a lot.
First is attitude: 10-15 minutes of touch can allow one a whole new perspective on the day. Sacred space can be created, with intention. "Feng shui", in a colloquial sense, is important.
I now see some of my previous thoughts as giving my power away. By owning these issues, I can transform them.
Second was the modality issue or, rather, what it was covering. Although it would seem I'm really confused on what even constitutes Swedish (as I was told today that one can't do "Swedish" on a chair, receiver clothed), and unclear on what kind of boundary delimits Shiatsu from other modalities, I don't actually have a problem with "maintaining the integrity of my giving Shiatsu as Shiatsu" so much as a problem improvising.
I'm not comfortable with improvisation, exploration, or experimentation with other people's bodies. How can I be; I'm not often comfortable doing those things with my own.
Movement Magic has facilitated such behavior with the most comfort I can remember feeling, but that's a very specific set and setting, a very safe container. It's not chair massage outside a store on a stranger.
I suspect that as long as that discomfort is there, it will affect my sessions with clients. Unfortunate, but it leaves me with a productive question: What would help/allow me to be more comfortable?
Posted by Josh A. at 08:24 PM | Comments (2)
October 17, 2004
Chair massage writeup
10/18/04
Shiatsu
As I sit brainstorming for writing, I find myself searching for positive aspects to my experience on Friday. But the truth is, at this moment, I don’t think chair massage is for me.
During my time at the Welcome Center, I gave chair sessions to five people. While it was kind of neat to touch five different bodies over the course of just a couple hours, the sessions could only be superficial. Very little assessment, limited areas of the body (mostly, as expected, head/neck/shoulders), and a context that didn’t provide the same privacy and safety of a treatment room all made for a very different experience both giving and, I assume, receiving.
Perhaps my toolbox is just too small at the moment. Chair massage seems, to me, more suited for Swedish. People all seemed pleased with their experiences, but my (cynical?) assumption is that Swedish would have been more in line with their expectations and thus felt subjectively more satisfying to receive.
Given my intentions for being here, I don’t see that corporate chair massage would be satisfying work for me. Which basically relegates the technique to either the “promotional” or the “extra cash” sections of the toolbox. Nothing wrong with that; I’m withholding judgment until I’ve graduated and am in the situation. I have this vision of chair massage as being particularly useful for jumpstarting a private practice client list.
I think what I’d like to do is borrow some chairs and trek down to Garberville or Arcata
some Saturday and see how we do in the “real world”. And then perhaps as a second experiment, try again with Swedish. Such further experiences would help refine my
current thoughts and feelings.
Posted by Josh A. at 09:47 PM | Comments (0)
October 14, 2004
Whew, end of the week (class-wise)
Conversation of the day... Staff: "I'm not really a healer." Me: "Oh? Have you ever had a cold?"
I suppose when a client says that I can start to pack up and let them know that I'm not going to waste their money giving a session that won't have any effect, right? ;-) It's nice to be reminded by someone else's lapse that we are all healers, just to varying degrees of consciousness, and that it is the client that does the healing, not the therapist.
I got up pretty early, which was nice. I wore Desmond's devil duckie pants today... I got sooo many compliments on them :-)
Breakfast was normal, which is to say I didn't get enough food. But I seem to always be hungry this week, unable to wait for the next meal, and stuffing myself but never really feeling stuffed.
Someone was telling me that people who are really Vata (as I am) often don't get enough energy out of greens and vegetables, not enough to make it worth the energy expenditure necessary to digest them. I've been addicted to tuna fish salad lately.
Shiatsu was fantastic. Everyone talked about their 5 Element projects today. The best, to me, by far, was Nishkama's. She crocheted 5 little medicine pouches, in representative colors with yarns from around the world. Each creation process was a meditation on the particular element being symbolized, and they looked so sacred.
They seem to have such potential, too. One could slowly accumulate power objects for each Element to store in the bags, choose a particular one to wear for a particular day, and incorporate them into one's shiatsu treatments. The creation process could also be done with even more ritual and infusion of power.
Everyone's projects could be taken farther, it seemed. My poster certainly could
I really enjoyed, as you can see, the people who took the project some place different than the standard poster or banner. There are others worth mentioning, but I'm tired and have more subjects to cover.
Such as the discussion we had with Erica about work and different kinds of bodywork jobs. She recommends that everyone work in the Caribbean at some point :-) She worked at the Golden Door in Puerto Rico, and it sounds really nice. She got to experience what it's like to be the minority (la gringa), made tons of money to pay off her student loans, got to soak up local culture and experiences, hung out on the beach and could afford healthy food and practices.
I'm letting some energy out into the Universe to create that for myself and Des. It would be so nice to find a way to be able to do that for 6 months or a year. It doesn't have to be Puerto Rico... lots of islands in this world :-)
At lunch we had a planning meeting for the Redwoods Marathon, which is on Sunday. A group of us are volunteering to do 10 minute massages for the athletes as they complete their run.
At first I was having a serious lack of confidence over the whole thing, but they did a brief demo during the meeting, and then later I got Soyka and Kristen to talk and demo more with me. I'm feeling better, and just want to get up to speed on a few particular point locations before the event.
Other than that, it should be an awesome learning experience, and we get tips, too :-)
The whole thing has me thinking of Michele, Des' sister, because she organizes this Tin Man event every year in the Adirondacks. Might be fun to visit during that time one year (her invite is open, I believe) and participate, do some massage, etc.
Musculoskeletal Anatomy class brought up some issues for me. Just old patterns of giving up, the kind of sad and pouty lack of interest I move into when thing aren't going right, when I'm not "getting it" fast enough. Heh. "Fast enough."
No, ok, I can't feel the direction of the rhomboid fibers. I have very little idea how to direct someone's actions to help isolate muscles and feel them contract and expand. It really sucked. And the environment was not what I needed to support me in the learning process, all grouped up and stressed for time.
Small victory toward the end... I asked Soyka if she would show me something, and asked her to repeat a demo I saw her doing at another table. Basically, I didn't know how to tell when I was at the edge of the trapezius in order to find levator scapulae. Well, she walked me through it and I did it. Not only did I feel the levator, I felt the superior angle of his scapula.
And then... it gets better. I showed another table how to do it, and they felt it, and one of the people palpating told me I did a very good demo.
Important note... I could hear the caring in Soyka's voice... she said, "Of course I'll show you something. What would you like me to show you?" OH my god. When I work with her one-on-one I feel so completely different than how I experience her in class, groups, etc. Loved, basically. And that feeling cuts through all my static and correct learning just flows.
I'm thinking it would be well worth the cost to hire some private tutoring from her.
After class, I did a session. Jeebus, I've done a session each day for the past three days, and my back hurts! How am I ever going to do this for a living? I know I'm working up to it by doing all this bodywork, but I think I need to look up back strengthening exercises online. Quads, too.
Time management. Yesterday was great, my session went exactly the length of time allotted, I accomplished everything I needed to do within that timeframe, and I got the client out the door at exactly the time I had intended.
Then this morning during chair massage trade I was the only one who watched the clock and finished my session at the correct time.
And then today. Wow. It took me TWO and a HALF HOURS to do a 75 minute session. There was just so much, outside of the bodywork, that I felt needed to be done.
I notice that personal investment has a lot to do with it. And I intend to work mostly with people I can have some investment in, that is to say, people I can see regularly and watch grow and change through our sessions. So this is exactly what I need to be working with and learning how to manage.
I did have more success being conscious with my movements. I think it worked out well. No negative feedback about my touch, and kudos on my confidence and honesty (about things I didn't know, where I'm at in my learning process, etc.) I also taught the client EFT and gave them the website address. I need to get a handout made up to give in these cases so they can continue at home more easily.
I need to do that anyway because I still want to do my first EFT workshop before the quarter is up.
Anyway, despite the horrible lack of time management, I'm really excited to hear back from this person to find out what continued effects, if any, they experienced, and hoping to see them each week and see how far we can go. Next time I'm going to ask permission to share some particular observations, and perhaps go deeper.
Dessert! Wonderful chocolate cake tonight. I had the non-vegan frosting. It was a going away dessert for Lucia, Paul's daughter. She was only here for summer break.
Afterward was Movement Magic I. I got to go to the first MMI, toward the beginning of the quarter, and didn't get to go to MMII, which I was really disappointed about. So I'm so pleased to be able to go tomorrow morning.
It's so fun and productive. Tonight's processing highlight was during an exercise in which we spent time moving as various characters (e.g. super heroes, old people, our inner victim, drama queens) and he directed us to move as our father. Well I never knew my dad, so I went and hid behind a big banner.
As I stood there, trying to be him, outside of it all, cut off, I started to get the impression that he might care about me. Or not. So I spent some time wondering, does he care? Does he ever think about me? What does it mean to him that he has a son that he doesn't even know? I have a half sister my own age, if that tells you anything, who I also don't know... and I wonder if he knows her. I wondered what it would be like to meet her. "Uhh, hi, I'm your half brother." "Yeah I'm your half sister." "Uhhhh." Yeah, great. Right, cheers, thanks a lot.
Anyway, it did help deepen my forgiveness process. I put my arms around myself, some kind of weird me-loving-my-dad/my-dad-loving-my-dad thing of acceptance.
Something else that came up... we were directed to move in a certain way, something about a lazy afternoon, just hanging on the porch, etc. And I had to go back to childhood to recall any such feelings. It feels sooo long since I could spend hours leisurely without something in the back of my mind gnawing at me. I certainly never do that here. I have periods of decompression, but there's always that awareness that I'm just killing time until the next thing, and the real reason I'm doing "nothing" is because I know that I would just be wasting my energy to try to do "something" at the time.
Bah, Paul Pitchford: "We say tai chi is the art of doing nothing well."
My roommate has been building a hovel in the woods. And sleeping in it most every night. I really want to spend the night there sometime, but I just don't know when! Not tonight, I have to be up for Movement Magic. Not Saturday, I have to be up for the Redwoods. Maybe tomorrow night?
So tomorrow! Yay. I'm doing chair massage in the welcome center on incoming intensive students. That should be rockin'. Wish me luck.
Posted by Josh A. at 10:56 PM | Comments (3)
October 13, 2004
Easy Wednesdays, where did you go?
Not getting to yoga was setting the tone for my entire day... until in Shiatsu we had heart circle and then got to do bodywork. Opening, receiving, giving... those three things, in that order, are a recipe for shifting my day.
I wasn't really productive in heart circle. When it was my turn I was still feeling off, and in a place I sometimes find myself... I know I'm in it because I'll start trying to find some measure of gratitude for something, anything, and be completely unable. What shifted things for me was listening to others; some things were said that touched and opened me.
So then we started chair massage! We observed Erica for a while, and then got to experiment with each other. My partner let me receive first, and then when I was done giving, I was able to call up my usual post-session gratitude immediately. I like to thank the universe and the receiver for the opportunity to touch and learn with another human. So that put me back on track for the day.
After lunch we had our academic advising meeting, signed forms, got next quarter's book list.
Then I gave a session before my next class. The highlight was my time management. I kept on top of time, I accomplished exactly what I wanted to during the allotted time, and I got my client out the door on time. All without rushing or giving the process short shrift.
Our CCS instructor was sick today, so Justin from Enrollment took her place. As much as I was disappointed not to have Amy, it was really nice to spend that time with Justin. I learned just by watching him, just like I am able to do with Amy.
During Community Heart Circle, I got out a lot surrounding movement, my body, etc. Realized the power that sentences that begin with "I don't know how..." can have. Often, they don't even need to be finished. "I don't know how." seems to sum up the energetics behind them.
I've gotten a lot of feedback about the "confidence" of my touch, about how a "firmer" touch or grasp or movement would put people more at ease, and I found myself closed off to it today. I could only listen to such feedback openly so many times without seeing much improvement.
But tonight I realized "listening to openly" does not imply "consciously intending to change". So the first step is to set some intentions.
I also realized that I've been performing certain actions unmindfully so that I can try to avoid taking responsibility for the outcome.
It's almost as if, "Oh I wasn't there, so I didn't really do that." I can listen to this feedback because it's not really being said about the core of me, because most of me was somewhere else when my body was doing that.
The crux of the problem is: I'll sit there and stare, for example, at a hand. And I know that I have to move it. I reach for it, and in that instant, I go away. Some part of me flees as fast as it can. And I pick up the hand and do what needs to be done next, but not with full consciousness.
I know that I have to move that hand, and I don't know how.
Posted by Josh A. at 10:01 PM | Comments (0)
October 11, 2004
mmmmONDAAAY
Today in nutrition lecture I realized the idiocy of expecting children to eat the same things as the adults at meals: they're at completely different developmental stages. We don't expect infants or toddlers to eat the same meals, but at some point--some point much too soon--we start expecting that children will eat the dinner we prepare, which is often the dinner we want or think should be good for them.
Yeah, Paul was talking about how cleansing greens are, particularly bitter greens, and how generally children don't need to cleanse, and are in more of a building stage. Of course, American children generally eat a lot of things that they probably need to cleanse, starting with their non-vegetarian mother's breast milk. (Yeah, if you're pregnant, you might want to think about quitting meat along with cigs and alcohol.)
We don't care what you put in your body, but...
I forgot to mention last week that on Wednesday I helped sort grapes for a while, and the next day at lunch was wonderful sauvignon blanc grape juice :-)
I'm having issues with the bathrooms. One is, it's only going to get muddier/dirtier as the rains come in more heavily... I wish I had some happy choice other than to live with a filthy bathroom floor, as people slog in with their muddy shoes and the inevitable unfolds.
Two, maintenance just does stuff. I'm well aware that a) the culture here is not one of considering student input into these things and b) I'm probably the only one who cares, but when I come in and the clock has been moved so that photos someone else thought looked good can be put up in its place, or find a chalkboard has been mounted instead of a whiteboard, feelings come up in me ranging from unimportant to unserved to pissed off.
The "feel" of the space and its functionality have been thrown off; the new position is completely inappropriate for the clock. I appreciate the new bulletin board, but the chalkboard... chalkboards are disgusting: dirty, dusty, probably carcinogenic.
I wish our thoughts, feelings, tastes, and needs had been at least checked in with before random changes just occur.
Do you have sugar cravings? Things you can do that I learned about today! 1) Eat a plant based whole foods diet. 2) Chew your food more thoroughly. 3) Add more seaweeds/algaes to your diet, like nori, dulce, spirulina, and chlorella. 4) Cereal grasses: wheat, barley, rye, oat. You can juice 'em or consume the whole food. 5) Use whole stevia instead of artificial sweeteners or refined sugars. 6) Chew licorice bark.
Last night I had a friend read my essay, and he told me how what I'm doing just amazes him, and today walking back to the dorms I was feeling amazed myself, and I thought, "Wow... for once my feelings are congruent with what someone else says." More often when people express their compliments, I don't feel they're really deserved.
Highlight of the day: someone approached my Shiatsu instructor to tell her what a great session I gave him or her. It felt so good to hear that.
Posted by Josh A. at 08:10 PM | Comments (4)
October 07, 2004
Hell week almost over
I did not want to get out of bed today. One, I needed sleep. Two, I wasn't looking forward to being conscious. I thought I slept in past breakfast, but somehow my clock was an hour off, so that was a pleasant surprise.
After I did get up, I checked my email and got a lot happier... for a while. I was so pleased while showering, breakfast, and shiatsu. We had heart circle in class, and then drew meridians and acupoints on each other.
But things dropped off in the afternoon. I felt pretty depressed during musculoskeletal anatomy... I was finding it very hard to be present, and found myself much happier after it was all over. The science classes are important to me, but I was finding it impossible to see it as important from 1:45 to 3:45 today. But, that's the time that's set aside for it, and I got through it. Even palpated part of the quadratus lumborum.
I'm still interested in growing more elegantly, and after talking with Des I'm thinking the next step is to be a channel for fear and pain, rather than staying stuck in them or wishing they would go away.
Funny how the Universe works sometimes... synchronicities... things that seem to happen just when I need them. Monday we talked about the Fire Element, which has to do with, among other things, our relationships. And it was almost too relevant... difficult to listen to in class. And then yesterday in Conscious Communication Skills we talked about Truth Telling, at just about the time it's becoming apparent that I need to commit myself to always speaking my truth.
We talked about Non-Truth, Half Truths, and The Unarguable Truth. Looking over the examples, I find that I have experience with all three. She defined truth as "That which cannot be argued with." Our handout says "The cash value of telling the truth is that it stops arguments."
In case you're wondering, good examples of Truth include sensations and feelings, mostly in "I Statements". There are more, but those are the basics.
I managed to shower a little bit ago... I went all out, dragged the speakers and iPod in there, played loud punk music, it was nice.
Next up is dinner, than Sarah's show. I probably won't be able to write about it until tomorrow, so you'll just have to wait until then.
Posted by Josh A. at 05:30 PM | Comments (0)
October 06, 2004
A better day than I thought
Mmm... last night before I went to bed, I did a foot soak for the first time ever. It was so nice. Soak, exfoliating scrub, pumice, and finally conditioning foot lotion. I was feeling like I've been so rough on my feet here... their skin was reflecting that, peeling in places, hardening in others. So over break I made sure to obtain the supplies necessary to show them some love.
Plus, Paul and others here are always talking about our feet as our foundation, our roots, our connection to the earth. The start of the kidney meridian is there, and the kidneys seem to be the most important organ in the body, or at least the most emphasized in our curriculum.
Today in Yoga, Sirena provided us with copies of the chant she finished practice with, and we were able to chant a long. That was fantastic, because I always leave yoga with that chant in my head for most of breakfast. Now I can actually learn it. Maybe I'll post the words sometime.
Erica said my body mechanics were "looking great" today in Shiatsu... they didn't feel great, but I know it's a strengthening process. At least different muscles are hurting; I see that as a good sign.
We shared mnemonics for remembering the Five Elements today. Mine was:
We Want Fun Element Mnemonics
Some others included "Wandering Women Free Earth Magic", "Freeing Every Moment With Worship", and "We Follow Energy Moving Within"
Celebrating the small victories: my confidence with Reiki received a major boost today. At the end of the bodywork portion of Shiatsu, we were doing some energy work... and when I moved my hand over my partner's heart chakra, I could feel the energy radiating from it. It wasn't something I had been trying to feel, it was actually a surprise. A very nice one at that.
Also, yesterday while talking with Soyka the possibility came up of me helping her with her Reiki 1 class this quarter, and I didn't feel any confidence in my ability to do that. But after today I'm actually hoping that can happen, because I know it would be fantastic.
After lunch I got some stuff done. Sent some mail out, although I've got a lot more to deal with. Also put 20 copies of my postcard on consignment in the student store. The store manager liked them so much she wants to buy some for herself. I would love to be able to do a series of Heartwood pieces... I wonder if that will happen. I'm open to going either way.
Posted by Josh A. at 10:10 PM | Comments (0)
September 22, 2004
Calming
So of course I slept way in. Ugh.
I got to breakfast in time to get half a grapefruit. Yeah, an organic non-GMO grapefruit, but I was still hungry all through Shiatsu.
The Shiatsu test was kind of nerve wracking. It's so WEIRD for me to be this person. But, I've hardly ever had to take non-written tests. There was a written portion, which was fine. One of the questions was, "Why are you here?", and there were inspirational quotes sprinkled in between some questions. One of the many things I love about Erica.
But after that, we drew cards that had either Erica or Kassy's name on them and a section of Shiatsu session to perform on them. We got 20 minutes each. NUTS. She said I did well, and was very present... that despite the fears and such screaming in my head: "Am I on the point? Oh my god I'm not on the point. Ahh!"
I finished the section before my time ran out, asked what to do, and was told to do more dispersal and tonifying. So I took a deep breath and began to work on her the way I really work outside of class, which is not exactly like what we've learned in class. I utilize reiki, breathwork, and point connecting intuitively... I think she was actually impressed, although while doing it I was thinking, "Is she wondering what the fuck I'm doing?"
Funny enough, I think that was more in line with what they were looking for out of this test: to experience our work. And it wasn't until that end that I broke from the form and worked from the heart.
This is exactly the kind of "testing" I think our public schools need to utilize. It was so nerve wracking because I'm not used to having to demonstrate what I know, as opposed to what I've managed to memorize temporarily.
I spent the rest of class coming down. Steve showed me a grounding and kidney breathing technique that rocks, and at the end of class we had a short meditation and were asked to walk on golden bubbles the rest of the day :-)
And now, in five minutes, I get my first session from an older student! I think it will be deep tissue, but I'm not really sure. More on that later!
Posted by Josh A. at 01:44 PM | Comments (0)
September 21, 2004
Better than yesterday!
One thing I forgot to mention yesterday... I was sitting and talking with Liza, really talking to this particular person for the first time, and she basically reframed my entire existence... over lunch. What a Heartwood thing to do.
I mentioned that "messy. beautiful. blessed." has continued to bounce around in my head, and she began talking about how chaos is the state of nature so to speak, and I start relating that to the way in which our brains impose structure onto, and build patterns out of, the jumbly mess around and inside us... didn't take long to come up with seeing the process here as not one of making a mess or cleaning up old messes, but one of getting closer to the way things behave on a deeper level, of seeing things more honestly or congruently.
A "messy" mind, one that can effectively deal with mess, may provide better maps of our world and experiences than a more structured one.
Grr. As someone so interested in general semantics and chaos magick, I kicked myself and said, "I shoulda known..." ;-)
In Shiatsu talked about the Metal Element today, which corresponds with the Lungs and Large Intestine. Interesting acupoint: LI 20 is good for sinus headaches... it's just inferior and lateral to your nostrils. Basically if you "hold your nose" lightly (don't actually close your nostrils), then move down... right in that indent. Actually, stimulating all the way up the sides of the nose is good. And peppermint oil. Mmmmm. Uhh, don't rub it straight on your skin. Just smell it. :-)
The Emotion associated with Metal is Grief, and the Flavor associated with Metal is Pungent... so we talked about making foods with that are spicy and dispersing during times of grief... using things like cayenne, rosemary, thyme, ginger, chili, strong cheese, garlic.
From my notes: "Having the Metal element in balance doesn't prevent us from experiencing grief, but keeps us from getting stuck in it."
Steve, Janna, and I have also come up with a fun mnemonic to remember the meridians of the leg: Black Kats Like Slinky Sex Going Longer! Bladder, Kidney, Liver, Spleen, Stomach, Gallbladder, Large Intestine.
Those are the Zen Shiatsu meridians of course. I think it's LI that doesn't go down the leg in TCM.
The Musculoskeletal Anatomy test went fine. Covered the pectoral girdle and the limbs... bones, bony landmarks, joints, some notable attachment sites.
I still resent having to take the tests and wonder intensely what Soyka would do if she had complete freedom to teach and we had complete freedom to learn.
Today we learned another awful word: OBTURATOR... and it gets worse, it's paired with FORAMEN. So the "obturator foramen" is this disgusting hole in the os coxa, or in english: the hip bone.
BODIES!
In Tai Chi we talked about Pericardium 6. It's 3 units up the arm from the wrist (palmar side), in between the tendons. If you lay the four fingers (without the thumb) of one hand starting at your wrist, it's right about there.
So you can hold that point for a lot of things, including calming the mind, protecting your heart, etc. Use it next time you're stressed or upset.
I didn't want to go to Tai Chi at the beginning. My energy was all above my shoulders, and out three feet. I was singing Pink lyrics and hugging people. I joked about leading the class. "I know what we're gonna do. I could tell you bitches how to do it." And then I gave an example: "Ok, let's get started. Put you're damned hands on your sides." And I held my sides and kidney region, one hip jutting out, cynical look on my face. "Ok, now we're gonna rotate our waists... " (me performing the action all full of attitude) "nice, you like that don't ya? ...uh huh... and not just small or wherever you're comfortable, big circles... bigger... yeah I know you want it bigger, big circles, bigger, faster, unhh, unhh, come on that's it do it for Daddy."
My small audience was amused, and I still didn't want to go into the Temple.
I managed to get grounded once we started, had a great class, and then... immediately upon stepping out of the Temple, Pink was back in my head. I didn't really get anything accomplished with my hour, so I probably "should" have stayed for meditation, and then dinner was a mess. I couldn't even concentrate on my food.
Yes, I tried holding P6 :-P
My saving grace: Janna gave me an hour long session at 7:00. Full sitting, prone, and supine forms. It was sooo nice. At the end it was like all my energy had been brought back inside me, and I was tingly. I also felt very relaxed and back in myself. The evening has proceeded well since.
Posted by Josh A. at 11:43 PM | Comments (0)
September 20, 2004
The week begins fairly well
Mmm... yoga was sooo good. The air was chilly this morning, and we did breath of fire to warm up. I haven't been to yoga in a while, not since feeling like my energetic sensitivity has increased, and not since feeling like my posture and body mechanics have undergone noticeable improvement.
Afterward, I asked Sirena if there were any exercises she could recommend for helping with that, and she recommended Cobra, without using my arms. So I'll be modifying my morning routine a bit.
I really wanted a heart circle in Shiatsu, to share last night's process, and I didn't think I was going to get one, between Nutrition lecture with Paul and then the mid-term evaluation we were supposed to do after. But Surya didn't show up to facilitate the evals, so the instructor opted to have a heart circle for us to share our feelings on the class so far. So here I was getting a heart circle, but not the one I wanted.
Not only was it not the most appropriate forum for what I wanted to share, it quickly got emotional, and I knew talking about last night in that state would not have been pretty... especially when trying to accomplish something specific, like giving evaluation feedback.
So after class I went up to Erica and Kassy (instructor & TA) to turn in what homework I did have, and talk about it, and I just had to cry first. It is so nice to be able to do that here, and let it out, and be witnessed gently and supported, and then be affirmed for it.
What a role reversal I'm having. In public school I was always the student who got everything immediately, "that guy" in your class who always understood lecture or the homework and everyone knew it. I even got by not knowing some things because the teachers just assumed I did.
Here, I often feel like the worst student in the class. And while I doubt anyone else thinks that, especially given the feedback I received today, I wonder why and how my own self-image is so incongruent with what others seem to see.
We talked, clarified the current state of things, and figured out where to go next in order to satisfy the course requirements. Erica also said she felt that I am doing really well, and that she was surprised by the amount of work I turned in so quickly.
As I walked down to the Lodge with her, I mentioned that I don't like being the one who comes to them every other week in tears, and she immediately said back, "I think it's GREAT." We talked about the people who always seem happy can be very different by themselves, and what it's like to not be able to express what's going on inside ourselves.
Which reminds me: later Nishkama said something that I felt so wonderful hearing. She found me just before Tai Chi and said she had looked for me after Shiatsu to share something... during heart circle, I said something from my heart, and she just wanted to say how good I seem to be doing with that, that she can see my authenticity more and more.
I felt it during heart circle, so it was really nice to hear someone acknowledge it.
Deja vu :-)
I felt sooo off starting in Anatomy & Physiology... almost light headed, sinus headache, weirdness. It continued into Tai Chi... I couldn't stay for Meditation... I tried to study during that time, and it hurt my eyes. In fact, still, when I move my head up in certain ways it hurts my eyes.
Anyway, I went for a walk, ate an apple, did energy tune up... that helped for a while. Then dinner really helped. I ate it outside, instead of up in the library, and had a nice time talking with Steve, and then Jamie joined us. I don't see her enough, I feel.
This morning, over 75% of the students raised their hand to indicate they'd be attending study session tonight. Tonight, me and one other student showed up.
But, it worked out really well. It was nice getting so much personal time with Kassy. We talked about the 5 Elements and their associations, pulses, body mechanics, and off topic yet wonderful stuff... being in our own power, NLP, our backgrounds, etc.
Everyone here comes from amazing places... I learned that even I do: some people think it's amazing that a person raised by Fundamentalist Southern Baptists in a small Republican suburb ever found his way to Heartwood :-)
And! Perhaps the best news!
My phone got installed today!
Whooo. I can finally get online with my own computer on my own phone line on my own time.
Life is worth living again ;-)
Posted by Josh A. at 11:39 PM | Comments (2)
September 15, 2004
Still kinda off
Amazingly I rose at 5:30 without using snooze. I mainly didn't want to disturb my new roommate, Jamison.
Made up my missed Tai Chi class... it was really nice doing it in the morning. Paul spoke at length on one of his favorite subjects, drugs. Mostly about how they haven't really had any students here who used intoxicants and did well... specifically, that improved; rather, they tended to stay where they were at and not advance, even though they often thought they were growing. But I wonder, if there was a student who "used" "intoxicants", but kept it to themselves, and did improve... how Paul or anybody else would know. Maybe it's one of the secret Tai Chi Jedi tricks that one doesn't learn in first quarter tai chi.
He did talk about how pharmaceuticals toxify our livers and are therefore considered intoxicants, and that was interesting. But then he also talked about bars and how he gets "bored to tears" in them, which is something I can relate to sometimes, but some of his words sounded like he was saying bars aren't "spiritual", and I guess that depends on how broad your vision or definition is. No, I know the source of my discomfort: I think I was hearing (or projecting) Paul cross the line into judging, and not knowing how to relate to that as his student.
Shiatsu went well, despite having missed SEVEN hours of it. Making that up is going to require at least an hour of tutoring, or in bottom line terms, $25. Damn this car shit is expensive. I feel like there's some kind of lesson in abundance in it all, but I'm not quite sure what it is. It'd be clearer if I had a pattern, like everytime I got extra money in the bank my car broke down and the repairs "somehow" alway worked out to be exactly the extra. But this is just nuts.
The only thing I've been able to relate it to is having
looked at the intensives going on during break and deciding, "Well, I don't have $600 for that..." and now somehow I'm coming up with even more than that just for repairs and the aftermath of being stranded.
Conscious Communication was cancelled. I felt so irritated upon hearing that. I wait all week for CCS.
At least it's pizza night. In only five minutes... :-)
Posted by Josh A. at 05:32 PM | Comments (0)
September 14, 2004
Regrounding
I woke up around 11. I was so tired after 12 hours of traveling. The motel owner banged on my door 3 times to get me to leave. I've never stayed at a place that wouldn't give you at least an extra hour.
Went to the payphone, called the enrollment office, was asked to call back in half an hour. Went down the street, had a bagel and the best oj ever. Back to the payphone, ok maintenance is on a town run and where should they pick me up?
Charlene and James arrived less than three minutes later. I finished town run with them and got back to Heartwood just a little late for my second class.
Tai chi and Awareness went well. At dinner I made up the test I missed and talked about what I would need to do to make up lecture. Just some highlighting and an outline to turn in.
Tomorrow: Shiatsu. I wonder what I will need to do to make up two missed shiatsu classes. That's 7 hours missed. :-(
Posted by Josh A. at 08:26 PM | Comments (0)
September 07, 2004
The rest of the story
Our first Anatomy "Learning Experience" (read: test) went fine for me. Some students did have a difficult time with it. If the entire thing could have been based on skeleton models, I know some particular students would have been fine. But most of it has to be written.
I blame the National Certification Exam.
I refuse to link to them. If you don't know what it is, rest assured that you probably don't really need or want to know.
At lunch we were discussing how standardized testing affects public school teachers, and I brought up the fact that we're experiencing some of that here. Soyka is an amazing science teacher. What else would she be having us spend time on if she didn't have to devote at least some time helping us learn how to take the National Exam? What wonderful learning experiences are we missing out on due to the power that the NCBTMB has gained over the industry?
Being good at, or learning skills for, passing written tests will help a massage therapist at exactly one point in his career: taking the NCE, if so required.
Here in California, we're not required. So I have no intention of giving the NCBTMB my money, or letting them count my body in their statistics. When state licensure becomes a reality in California, it is my desire that the requirements for such licensure will remain under the control of the California voters, where they belong, and not an unaccountable private group.
Tai Chi & Awareness went well. Everything about meditation was easier for me. And during a partner exercise I finally experienced, to some degree, the dynamic nature of yin and yang... the always changing unmoving unity of it all.
"Nice," as Paul would say.
There was sushi at dinner! And tom yum tofu. And yams! Delicious french fried yamuful goodness. I could eat a whole plate.
Tonight: trade sessions, shower, make sure I'm ready for tomorrow, and sleeeeep.
Posted by Josh A. at 07:14 PM | Comments (0)
September 06, 2004
Monday, bloody Monday
Yoga went well today. It felt really good despite my lack of sleep last night.
Nutrition was cool... we talked more about Sattva, and a little about Tamas and Rajas. Paul answered some good questions, including mine about coconut oil... he said that while the science appeared good, clinically he's never had a client do well with coconut oil. And since I've not seen anyone extolling coconut oil except coconut oil manufacturers, I think I'll skip it. He recommended high oleic safflower or sunflower oil instead.
We started on our Prone form in Shiatsu today... mmm sacrum stretches. I'm continually excited by the class, and looking forward to be able to flow from my center while giving treatments. We have to spend a lot of session time in our head while learning the techniques and the theory.
During lunch I went to the Wellness Center and had a chat with Erica about how well the teaching here is going. The founder's vision was to create a school where each person's individual learning style and process are honored, and no one is shamed or otherwise degraded. (13 years of public school here, I can definitely relate.)
Anyway, generally I think they do a great job. I'm hoping to really absorb the science this time around (seriously, I've learned some of this stuff, like cell division, at least three times in my life and I can't remember it.)
(I like ending paragraphs with parentheticals.)
Every Tai Chi we do almost the same things, but Paul always says different things, and we gradually get more information about what we're doing. Today he talked about how some of what we did is really good for diabetics and others with blood sugar issues. I wonder what would happen if a health insurance company started covering quality tai chi classes 100% for their subscribers. Would it pay for itself several times over? I suspect so, if done correctly.
In Awareness, Paul touched on something that I resonated with: here in the West, bowing is difficult for us psychologically. And it's not something many of us do often. But, he brought up two really good ideas... one, that each of us is worthy of receiving bows because we all have the Divine in us (I would go a step further and say that each of us Are the Divine), and two, that prostrating with intention is like bringing our intention down from the Heavens and into the Earth... a mini manifestation ritual. Note, that's a mini-ritual for manifestation, not a ritual for mini-manifestation. Let's think BEEEEEEG. Supposedly it's just as easy to manifest something large as something small.
That reminds me of Ste3ve. I think about Ste3ve more often in certain situations... like when coconut oil came up, or whenever we talk about grounding/centering and I remember him saying he never really knew what that meant. I think I'm coming to enough experiential understanding to explain it sometime.
Dinner was Indian food. Mmm. As excited as I was, and as good as it was, it really made me want Shalimar. I'd trade some nubile young beings of your choice for some onion naan.
Posted by Josh A. at 07:11 PM | Comments (0)