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March 18, 2006
Structured & unstructured
Tonight was our second poly gay/bi mens gathering... about 15 guys total, another success. Two even came up from Santa Cruz to meet with us! About half of us went to dinner together after.
A gem from the discussion: "I can't confer 'specialness' on someone. That has to come from inside them. What I can do is celebrate their specialness with them."
At one point we were talking about time (a hard limit in any relationship) and structuring it, and someone thought this might relate to my topic suggestion of structured versus unstructured relationships... and I realized that while I've been "unstructuring" my relationships, my time has become much more structured.
It won't always be this way. As my private practice grows and I'm able to drop my survival jobs, I'll make more money in less time with more flexibility and control over my own schedule. In the meantime, I often have to schedule things two weeks out in advance, and then they're subject to change depending on priority (mostly informed by how much money I stand to make or spend).
And on some level, all of that is just so much noise. On a deeper level, there's the note I wrote to myself to remember to post here. I feel like it could stand alone as an entry all by itself:
Life is happening. It's so fucking beautiful.
Lots going on...
...on taking care of myself, I'm arranging to barter for acupuncture sessions, looking to start tai chi, and discovered I like feldenkrais.
...on learning, I'll be getting some instruction in Esalen massage this month, need to get back on track with the myofascial release I was practicing, and I went to a rope bondage class last week.
...on working, I'm getting fantastic feedback from my clients at Eros. It's boosting my confidence a lot, and I'm getting better at 30 and 90 minute sessions. My private practice looks like it's growing, and the clients are very rewarding.
...on relating, getting clearer and clearer about who I am, what I want, and what I have to offer. Feeling inpired by the words of my lovely friend Green: "Life is short. If something's not working, it's gotta GO." Owning my shit, facing my issues, and shifting a lot. To those ends, I need to schedule standing appointments with my coach and my counselor. Both have fallen off the calendar, between a scheduling mishap with one and the other getting over an illness.
Found this site, coping.org, through their page on reparenting. Fantastic site, not just that section, with lots of great starting points for self-work, boundaries, victimhood/martyrdom, control issues, personal responsibility, etc.
Turns out the reparenting concept is connected heavily to Transactional Analysis, a model with which I have some familiarty and have found immensely useful. AND there are quite a few books on it at the library.
As if I didn't have too much to read and not enough time already. ;-)
Posted by Josh A. at March 18, 2006 11:08 PM