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December 19, 2005
Holiday week in Upstate New York
So we arrived in Buffalo on Saturday, got our rental car and drove to Rochester.
On the way, I felt mild excitement, but when we actually got into the city I suddenly embodied the "way I was" when I used to live here... it was NOT comfortable, let me tell you. The ways in which I used to operate did not feel good—"No wonder I had the troubles I did," I thought. I felt acutely the difference between where I'm at now and where I was then.
Perhaps you've had the experience of coming back to a previous location and slipping so easily into your old patterns and ways of being, like slipping into an old, well-worn groove you had carved out there. I've had that experience elsewhere, and while this wasn't like that, I was reminded of it. But my experience of that has been one of lack of awareness, which facilitates the "slipping". This was the opposite. After moving through that and coming back to my current self, things have been pretty nice.
Des reminded me that I'm not that person anymore, and interestingly enough, I've been "seen" for who I am now. The first thing we did after arriving at the home of some friends we're staying with (Kym, et al) was go to a holiday party... the holiday party, it seems. There, I received two amazing compliments from Mark and Steve, partners that Des has known for ages. Mark told me how much he appreciates reading this journal; Steve simply told me that he's proud of me for finding direction and pursuing it so well.
THE holiday party was the illustrious annual party of Brian and Chris. It's the type of party that's really thrown for the hosts, not the guests. It doesn't matter who comes, as long as someone comes... but of course, everyone wants to come.
There were two chocolate fountains, one milk chocolate and one white chocolate, with various yummies to make yummier by dipping in the chocolatey flow. A selection of fine cheeses and bread and crackers. More truffles than any five block radius deserves. Chicken skewers with dipping sauces (mole, thai peanut, and pumpkin somethingsomething).
Let's not forget the two tables of drinks, including white and red wines, sodas and waters, liquors, mixers, condiments. How to top it next year except to hire a bartender?
Afterward, we headed to "Bar Night", the monthly theme night at the local leather bar. This month was Long Underwear Night. I decided to forego subjecting everyone to my lime green silk long underwear.
We ran into so many people, and folks seemed so genuinely glad to see us. It's so funny to me, at home I spend nearly zero time in any of the bars, and I can leave for a year and a half and then come across the country and into The Forum and be welcomed like family.
There are some people here who I really miss. I wish I could take them all to California.
Sunday morning we had breakfast at Des' favorite restaurant (Jines on Park Ave) and then headed to Sodus Point to see his father and some family out there.
Kinda nuts. The highlight for me was a lively discussion, me and four smokers, on whether or not it should be illegal for adults to smoke around children, even (especially) parents in their own home. They wanted to frame it as an intrusion into their personal rights in a private setting ("Coming into MY home and telling me what I can't do") and I frame it as protecting someone else's rights from something they do that harms others. That is, after all, where our personal liberty ends, yes? Exactly where it begints to affect and harm others.
Anyway, Kim (his dad's wife) made us linguine with clam sauce, the family appreciated their gifts—framed prints of some of Des' photos—and we received some wine and holiday decorations.
That night, Des went out to meet some friends and I spent some time with Bruce. Got to see his new apartment, chat with him and his boyfriend, and give him some gifts. I gave him a collection of things which I hope can be useful to him, but the real intent was to share something of where I'm at and who I've become since he last saw me.
The gift included: a miron water bottle, a personal blend of flower essences, an oil blend for his scalp which I infused with herbs and essential oils, and two aromatherapy inhalers—an immune boost inhaler (mostly oregano oil), and a relaxation inhaler (sandalwood and some others) for quieting the mind at night.
Des and I spent just about all of today doing our own things. In the morning, he left with Kym to see the Rent movie, while I caught up on sleep.
In the afternoon, Bruce and I went to Pioneer Copy to do a little project for a client. I also wanted to see Todd & Carol, the owners of the print shop. It was really nice to see them, and they seemed happy to see me as well.
Afterward, we went to Bryant & Stratton, where I did my graphic design associates, just to see who was there. Most everyone I remember was in, although the director of admissions and director of the graphic design program were unfortunately out. Lots of folks I remembered though.
What was more amazing was how they remembered me... one of my projects in school was a sculpture, and they have it in the conference room. I had no idea it was still around; my partner Sharon and I did put a lot of time and thought into it, and it felt really good to have that honored.
As well, I was told that my name came up last week in a conversation about the most talented design students they had had.
Folks again were genuinely interested in how I'm doing and happy to hear of my successes. I had no idea that this group of people was still thinking about me. I suppose the feeling is mutual: Ms. Zempel, one of my teachers, expressed appreciation of my visit, saying that they had very few students come back and tell them how they were doing.
Apparently Des had some similar experiences today, expressing some surprise at just how happy folks were to see him.
In the early evening, Des and I went to a bar called RJ's to meet up with some old coworkers of his (his old boss, Nadine, and Amy), and a friend we didn't get to see at the holiday party, Jeffy.
We gave Nadine a gift, some lady bug items (a ring, a necklace, and a finger puppet) from a Santa Cruz state park gift shop, and we gave Jeffy his birthday gift from a year ago, a children's book called Naughty.
After some hanging out and chatting, I left to go meet up with Bruce again.
We had wanted to go to our old favorite restaurant, Domenico's, but they're closed on Mondays now. We also wanted to watch my Heartwood DVD that Des made, of photos and video from my graduation and other school experiences, and it was unreadable by Bruce's DVD player. "Oh well, next time," I said. Hmph. Maybe Thursday or Friday.
Instead we chatted, went to Parkleigh and shopped a bit, then to Beale St. Cafe, another old favorite, for dinner. He had never eaten there, and we had a nice feast. For once, I was able to pay for dinner. Being employed rocks.
Afterward, we went to Spot Coffee (not my favorite coffee house, but open late) and had a good time talking about everything and anything. It was so good to do again. I'm really looking forward to him visiting San Francisco—the last time we were there together, I was barely familiar with it. Now I have a whole life there.
Since I've been back at Kym's home, I've caught up on some email (the chair massage startup I'm working for is creating two new positions for which I'm applying), wrote some holiday cards, welcomed Desmond home and put him to bed, and finally updated this thing. Now I think it's bedtime for me.
Posted by Josh A. at December 19, 2005 11:04 PM