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November 30, 2005
Why I love Ari
Ari, in case you don't know, is my good friend from college... in her blog, she writes this, the funniest sentence of my evening:
You heard it here first: If you're a smoking non-vegan, you too might end up swilling liquid meat and pus with a hole cut in your face. You never know.
Check it out: http://www.pinkrabbitsays.com/2005/11/my_teeth_diary_.html
Posted by Josh A. at 11:36 PM | Comments (2)
Letting go of scarcity
Some work that's up for me is really letting go of scarcity, the program/model that underlies every thought or feeling that boils down to "there's not enough". This applies not only to money, but also to love. (How convenient that one of my childhood lessons was that one is really the other.)
One of my next steps toward abundance is to acquire this workbook, the Abounding River Logbook. It's connected to a raw restaurant here called Cafe Gratitude, which kept coming up all week (synchronicity alert) leading up to my last coaching session, wherein the actual book (not just the restaurant) was recommended. Sidebar: apparently the owner of the Cafe is always checking in with the employees—"Are you having fun? You can't make good food if you're not having fun. If you're not having fun, go take a break."
Undoing the childhood lesson that expenditures are the supreme expression of love will require techniques other than the workbook, but I find it interesting that even as I move through the work of separating one from the other, the work of letting go of scarcity applies to both.
I want to find joy in my partner's joy, even when it's with someone else. I know that seems unrealistic for most people, but it's not for everyone. Some people are doing it, and I've experienced some measure of it. How can we feel otherwise, really? To feel anything but joy at the joy of someone we love requires that we believe that it takes something from us, that not only is love a zero-sum game (it isn't), but that there's not enough for all (there is).
If I believe it's possible to let go of the scarcity model around something like money, then it's simply not reasonable to think that love could be any less abundant.
Posted by Josh A. at 12:07 AM | Comments (0)
November 29, 2005
Joy versus happiness
Tonight I felt the deep joy that comes from doing things, for lack of a better word, "right". Not an abstract "right" versus "wrong", but right as in, "taking the right course to get where I want to go"... driving down another street isn't wrong, it just goes somewhere that's not my destination.
I had to talk to Des about our relationship, and I felt really nervous beforehand. I really just did not want to get into it—the fear that says, "Just leave well enough alone." When things are going good, it can be hard to "rock the boat", even when it's to take things (eventually) to an even better place.
One issue is that I've been redefining my commitment to myself and my relationships. The new commitment, as learned from my friend Barry, is to continually ask the questions, "Is this a healthy relationship?" and, if not, "How can it become one?"
Perhaps the first question is really, "Is this relationship as healthy and fulfilling as it could be?", and it will not doubt be a long time, if ever, before needing to ask the second question isn't always a given.
Anyway, while I'm not happy about everything that we talked about, I am overjoyed about all of it. I'm really glad to have talked about things I needed to talk about, when I needed to talk about them—not holding them in and waiting, which usually makes things worse in the end ("Why didn't you tell me sooner?!"), speaking from my heart (not just my head), hearing with my heart, and hearing from Desmond's heart.
Something I'm craving in all of my relationships is intimacy, and I received it tonight.
This all reminds me of what Covey describes in his 7 Habits book about living a Principle-centered life... I'm loathe to admit it, and my tendency to be Pleasure-centered seems particularly incorrigible... but I do have the distinctly satisfying sense that none of the details "matter", that nothing but good can come of tonight's conversation, because it was the "right" thing to do.
It's just so different from my old way of being, which was characterized by the questions, "What do I want?" and "How can I get it?" Those questions may pave the right road to fleeting pleasures, maybe even temporary happiness, but they didn't lead me to joy very reliably.
Looks like it's time to try something else, or rather, that trying something else seems to be paying off well so far.
The really beautiful thing is how much energy I have. After tonight's conversation, it's obvious that there's work ahead, and the road may be a bit bumpy, at least in the short term... and yet, I don't feel weighed down by any of it, or resistant to the prospect. I feel ready to take it on, to do whatever it takes.
It feels like the destination is now simply the natural consequence of the trip I want to take, rather than the other way around. This is where the road & destination metaphor fails a bit, because wanting the destination was never enough for me to take the right course. Now that the trip—living in integrity, creating health in my relationships, being open hearted and in connection—is its own "destination", that I get to go where it takes me has become simply a wonderful bonus.
Posted by Josh A. at 12:13 AM | Comments (1)
November 25, 2005
Drug ab/use
A quote:
In the triad: drug, set and setting, the one that is least important, or most dispensable, is drug. – Rick Strassman (interview)
Perhaps this is a crucial difference between the use & misuse of substances... I particularly want to apply it to the way in which folks use the "socially acceptable" drug, alchol.
Posted by Josh A. at 05:08 PM | Comments (0)
November 21, 2005
An open letter to Julie Hilden
I read Julie Hilden's article arguing that we shouldn't punish celebrities for speech with which we disagree, viz Tom Cruise's increasingly obvious, highly questionable hold on reality (the "veneer" ain't the only thing that's cracked, Julie!)
Subject: Deeply Unpersuasive
Dear Ms. Hilden,
Just some quick things on your Tom Cruise piece... celebrities unusually independent speakers? Apparently not, or you wouldn't be writing your article. Rather than being beholden to bosses, etc, they are beholden to the people who really pay their bloated salaries: us, the public. I see nothing wrong with that.
Even if they were, unusually independent does not mean unusually qualified (no matter how you define it), or unusually requested, or unusually interesting, or unusually intelligent. I would say that Cruise's comments were none of these things... dependent (on that drivel he overpays the Church of Scientology for), unwanted, boring, and just plain stupid.
"Celebrities' unusually free position, in other words, is the reason they should heavily use their right to free speech."? Or not... isn't it obvious enough from Cruise's decidedly rude and barely coherent outburst that whatever freedom you're positing isn't resulting in speech any different than some guy at the corner bar?
People of all stripes and income levels try to say stupid things in public, and I see nothing special about celebrities that would be a reason to let them, over anyone else, blather on about their pet opinions. In any other setting, we call that "boorish". But when a celebrity does it, you call it "brave".
With normal folks in our daily lives, we get to enact social consequences for boorishness... leave the room, stop inviting them to our functions, etc. We can't do that with insular Hollywood types, so our only option is economic.
As far as personal speech goes, I would venture closer to "accounts of personal experience are the only valid kind of speech for ANYBODY" (c.f. Korzybski's General Semantics) and farther from "attempting to generalize beyond one's personal experience should be ok for celebrities". Why would you argue the latter? Simply because we may be holding celebrities more accountable than others for this? Sounds like the problem isn't that we let them run rampant acting as if groundless generalizations mean anything, but that we let anybody do so.
I think Lauer was right to "refuse to engage Cruise on the general level on which Cruise want[ed] to pitch the discussion"... if he had done so, they would have had a meaningless conversation, spoken in generalities, about a topic on which neither of them is qualified (not from lack of training but from the obviousness of their positions) to give an interesting, unique, or insightful opinion. Great, way to waste their time and mine.
Now, start talking about your own experiences... and that means something. That's interesting. That's something I can't go on the web and find 500 forum users ranting already.
Failing to prepare? My understanding was that Cruise was there to promote his new movie, not deliver an irrelevant rant. I don't expect Lauer or anyone to try to prepare for their guest being a freakout... you say they could have guessed given Cruise's recent freakouts—however, I'm sure almost everyone was hoping to any higher power who happened to be paying attention that Cruise would stick to the agenda. I hear Spielberg isn't even speaking to him currently.
Now when 20/20 wants to have Cruise on as a guest to talk about psychiatric drugs, you can fairly expect someone to prepare for that conversation. In the meantime: not Lauer's job.
And drop the first amendment schtick. You know very well that the right to speak isn't the same as the right to be heard. We have every right to say, "We don't value hearing this. We don't want to hear it. And we don't want to be around you (see your movies) if you don't get that." If Cruise wants to let loose with "bracingly corrective candor" as you put it, he should get a blog like everybody else.
Best,
Josh
Posted by Josh A. at 05:57 PM | Comments (3)
November 17, 2005
A proof
Two not-uncommonly accepted premises:
1) God can talk to us
2) There is nothing (no thing) that is not God
Therefore,
3) Any thing in particular can talk to us
Like crystals in the hands of new agers, or toilets in the hands of the "unstable".
Assertion, courtesy Neale Donald Walsch: The question is not, "Who does God talk to?" but, "Who listens?"
We might well add, "Which things are good channels/connections for listening?"
Posted by Josh A. at 01:29 PM | Comments (2)
November 15, 2005
Listening to the body
A big piece of creating peace in my body seems to be found in listening. Who hasn't kept working despite hunger, stayed awake despite tiredness, etc? Doing those things requires that I ignore my own messages to myself; this is incompatible with embodiment and presence both.
Last night I prepared dinner before checking my email (this is a big deal for me!) because I paid attention to my tummy. When my head started hurting at 10:30, I realized that it was simply telling me that it was time to stop actively thinking for the night; I closed my laptop and felt fine.
This morning, laying in between sleep and wakefulness, I had to state my intention in my mind in order to shift: "I'm willing to feel my body." Then my gut immediately told me that what my body needed next was to get out of bed, and I was able to do so easily at that point.
Posted by Josh A. at 08:47 AM | Comments (0)
November 14, 2005
Finding peace in the body
As I walked down 17th today toward Market, I suddenly realized how much more aligned I felt. My chest felt open, my chin tucked. Guess the chiro's moving me to every two weeks rather than weekly adjustments was well warranted.
Had my first coaching session today. It feels really amazing to me to receive coaching from someone who's also a bodyworker & energyworker... we speak a common language, had more immediate understanding. The big gem from today was that my next step is creating more peace, specifically in my body... but thus in my life.
I hear this mainly as another hint from the universe to get my ass in yoga class. I've been talking about it, the chiro suggested it last week, I've been trying to arrange a trade with a yoga instructor, and now this. I really hope we can make the trade happen soon, and then on a regular basis.
Certain yoga styles, chiropractic approaches, and massage modalities are all great for working on posture, but I think the three together are probably a force to be reckoned with ;-)
Anyway, right next door is Crystal Way, and I found myself in there after my session, leaving with an apophyllite crystal. It's fairly amazing for such a little guy.
Between the session, the crystal, and Deva Premal's recording of the Gayatri Mantra on the iPod, I had a pretty peaceful walk home.
I stopped on the way to gather myrtle berries, just a handful, but I wanted some before they all drop. I'm hoping to collect more this week, since I haven't found anywhere online that sells them.
Posted by Josh A. at 10:35 PM | Comments (0)
November 08, 2005
It smelled like autumn today
It smelled like autumn today, walking home from the office, as I passed under the arches of vegetation some folks have created over the sidewalk in front of their homes on 17th. The elevated yards are right at nose level, and I noticed the earthy scent of it all first... if it weren't for that, I probably wouldn't have noticed the leaves.
"Wow, the leaves have changed!" Not everywhere, but here the sidewalk was covered in reds and browns. I was rather taken aback; the weather has been so warm and clear still... despite my exhortations to my clients and my watching of my own energies, I've barely noticed the actual season creeping up on us.
I only have summer to say goodbye to these days, and not vacation from school along with it. A more subtle mourning is present, and the majority of me says, "Welcome, Autumn." The hint of resistance I feel looks like fear of a too-busy two months of holidays, with insufficient time given to rest and renewal. I appreciate the awareness. I will do my best to take care of myself properly this fall and winter.
Posted by Josh A. at 05:41 PM | Comments (0)
November 04, 2005
Now, if only it were in SF
THIS is the kind of restaurant I'm looking for:
http://www.realfood.com/philosophy.htm
The difference is in the details... whole grains, pure water, monounsaturated oils... these people GET IT.
Posted by Josh A. at 01:09 AM | Comments (0)