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March 12, 2005
Inner thighs, ass, and Dick
Wednesdays are even longer when I go to yoga, which I did.
A pattern is developing... I follow along with the instructor for about half the class, and then I begin doing my own thing, mostly sun salutations held a bit longer than I usually would, and a couple other poses. I don't know very many. Hey, it gets my yoga hours done.
Regarding living someone else's life... I realized that I've been holding on to some of these fears and patterns because part of me doesn't believe things are "really different", that the shit will come back and then I'll need these things to cope with it again.
Not that they were very effective. Not that I couldn't pick them back up were I to let go of them. But you try quelling your fragmented ego states with rational thought.
So I'm taking a new tack, working on learning to trust myself in new ways, specifically my body. My body has been far from an ally over the years. "Dirty, tricksy, false!" Its primary purpose in life has been to fuck with my life--oversleeping, not sleeping, feeling tired or energetic at all the wrong times.
This morning, an act of bravery: after hitting snooze a couple times, I turn the alarm clock off. I've decided to see how long before I get up without it. Somewhere is the fear that my body and sleep are still conspiring against me, and that I'll wake up too late for lunch, or worse. The fear is quickly smothered between my head and the pillow.
When I wake up, my first concern is life support options for the fear. Alas, there are none: the clock reads 9:47. I hold a small funeral for it, mourn its tragic suffocation, thank it for bringing me this far--almost a quarter century!--and then get on with my life.
Over the last week in Deep Tissue we've done medial & posterior legs, and glutes.
Many people seem to get emotional issues, particularly anger, surfacing when they get medial leg/adductor work done... of course, that's right where the Liver meridian runs. Didn't seem to bother me, though. In fact, none of it seemed all that intense until we got to the proximal attachments. They were all very tender.
I got so frustrated trying to do the work, though, that I almost cried. Then hamstrings were a breeze. And then glutes were so vague and difficult. Welcome to the Deep Tissue Rollercoaster it seems.
I met with Sue, the Ed Director, for our weekly RA meeting. I'm going to take over a bulletin board to foster community dialogue in the wake of the Community Meeting.
More great news, we have two folks visiting next week who are interested in the Director of Student Affairs position, open since Surya left.
RA Movie Night went fantastically well last night. My room was packed, we watched The End of the World, Dick, and then a clip of Triumph the Wonderdog at a Star Wars opening making fun of people.
People really loved Dick. Who doesn't love Dick? I think I'll show Hero next.
Posted by Josh A. at 11:26 AM | Comments (1)
March 07, 2005
Frogs & Flowers
Tonight as I walked back to my room, I passed through the heady scent of an unknown flowering bush. It's not honeysuckle or jasmine, and has six pointed white stars that are open day and night. The aroma wafts down the hill; I can smell their presence long after passing by.
I stopped on the path just before the treatment rooms in front of what I thought at first was a lizard. It was a frog, the first one I've seen here, and I could hear the chorus of his brethren off by the pool. I stopped to watch the hopping, then the stillness.
I had just left the Lodge, finally ending conversations taking place in the wake of tonight's Community Meeting, to find him. Frog brings us cleansing and emotional healing, the turning of a new leaf, the opportunity to cleanse that which no longer serves us and create new ways of living our lives.
The last week or so has felt like living somebody else's life. So much shifting has occurred for me that many of my old ways of showing up no longer fit my new reality.
The community meeting offered space for emotional clearing, constructive criticism, and identification of action steps for Heartwood management. Between firings and hirings, more hirings to come, and other changes--some already seen and others yet to be implemented--things are shifting here as well.
If change occurs at all fractal levels, then this indicates positive change happening for you in your family and workplace, and positive change in our nation and world. Here, I see us being the changes we want to see. Be the change you want to see.
Posted by Josh A. at 11:19 PM | Comments (1)
March 04, 2005
Take action
Ahh, gender politics. My favorite kind.
First, the article: Lesbian's picture in tux banned from school yearbook
Second, before distracting you with anything else, a list of email addresses to contact to express your outrage and concern:
The Principal in question, Sam Ward:
sward@mail.clay.k12.fl.us
His fellow administrators:
ljohnson@mail.clay.k12.fl.us, dfinley@mail.clay.k12.fl.us, tpittman@mail.clay.k12.fl.us, fgeckert@mail.clay.k12.fl.us
The School Board administrators:
dowens@mail.clay.k12.fl.us, bwortham@mail.clay.k12.fl.us, wbrock@mail.clay.k12.fl.us, gcopeland@mail.clay.k12.fl.us, istrickland@mail.clay.k12.fl.us, melliott@mail.clay.k12.fl.us
The School Board members:
CVallencourt@mail.clay.k12.fl.us, CStuddard@mail.clay.k12.fl.us, CEVanZant@mail.clay.k12.fl.us, wbolla@mail.clay.k12.fl.us, LGraham@mail.clay.k12.fl.us
And finally, local media:
editor@flemingislandnews.com, baustin@jcpgroup.com, pat.yack@jacksonville.com
Please, write to them. Even if just a short note saying "I support Kelli Davis." It will take you all of 2 minutes at most.
Next, the letter I wrote. Yes, I sent it to all of those email addresses.
Subject: An open letter to Sam WardDear Mr. Ward,
The situation you've created around Kelli Davis outrages me. It is obvious that you are completely out of touch with today's reality, and that this disconnection makes you a danger to the development and growth of children and young adults.
I support you in your immediate resignation as Principal of Fleming Island High School.
As well, I encourage Superintendent David Owens either to take positive action in this situation or to resign as well.
The nation's children deserve better.
Sincerely,
Josh Alexander
Here is the reply I received:
Dear Joshua:Recently, the Folio opinion magazine ran a story criticizing Fleming
Island High School and my decision to enforce a strict dress code policy
for the yearbook's senior pictures. Although the cause of the article
is the yearbook dress code, the Folio chose this opportunity to launch
several baseless accusations against our fine school.I appreciate you taking the time to hear our side of the story.
As a high school principal, I am required to make tough decisions about
how to enforce our school policies. Many times, I have to weigh the
needs of the student body as a whole against the desires of a particular
student. Of course, I understand when a family becomes upset over a
decision I have made. I assure you that I would not ban a student photo
from the yearbook without serious deliberation.The Folio asserts that I persecute some students based on their
appearance and their sexual orientation. I categorically deny that
charge. I value every student here at Fleming Island, even when I do
not quite understand their choices. Neither I nor my staff
discriminates for or against students based on their race, their income,
their family connections or their sexual orientation.However, regardless of how the Folio chose to distort this issue, I have
made an unpopular decision to some to ban student pictures that do not
meet the strict requirements of uniformity. There are only two times
per year that I insist on traditional dress from the students:
graduation and senior photo. My belief is that this milestone deserves
the utmost solemnity and respect.Of course it is important for students to express their individuality,
especially as they transition into full adulthood. However, the
yearbook provides ample opportunities for casual photos in its pages.
Requiring one formal photograph does not stifle the spirit of my
students.As a school administrator, I also have to think about how future
students will react to my decisions. Every action I take sets a
precedent. I have concerns that, should I allow a student to wear
alternative dress in her senior photo, the situation will escalate. Do
I allow a student to wear a tuxedo in her future college colors? Do I
allow another student to wear a cowboy hat and string tie, because he
sees himself as a cowboy? Do I allow a male class clown to wear a
dress?In short, I believe formality and uniformity in the senior photo
emphasize the dignity of our students and celebrate the importance of
their graduation. The students who have worked so hard to graduate
deserve no less.As to the other accusations leveled in the Folio, I simply ask that you
come to this school, walk our campus and talk with our students and
teachers. They will tell you that Fleming Island High School is simply
the best school in Clay County. Our school grade, last year, was a "B,"
missing an "A" by only ten points.Thank you for taking the time to hear our side of this story. Please
call me if you would like to discuss this matter further.Sincerely,
William S. (Sam) Ward
Principal
Finally, here is what I wrote back tonight.
Dear Sam:Thank you for your prompt response. I read the editorial piece as well as your form letter below, and find it important to let you know that none of the arguments made in your support address my concerns or outrage, both of which remain unmitigated.
I heard about your actions via USA Today, not the Folio. I am unconcerned with anything the Folio may have published. I am unconcerned with any accusations made against you or your school, baseless or otherwise.
I AM concerned about the actions you admit to taking, and the aftermath thereof as reported in USA Today. It is with the utmost respect for you as a fellow human being that I set forth in detailing the following for consideration by you, your colleagues, the Orange Park and Jacksonville communities, and the greater national and global communities watching this situation.
You imply that your decision was a result of weighing "the needs of the student body as a whole against the desires of a particular student", yet PlanetOut Network reports that more people turned out to the school board meeting to support Davis and condemn your decision than to support your decision.
You "categorically deny" that you "persecute students based on their... sexual orientation". You either don't understand what you are denying, don't understand what you've done, or both.
Please allow me to explain. You list unrelated examples such as "cowboy hats", when Davis did not violate the "requirements of uniformity"--she did not choose an option not available to other students. It is clear that the problem you had was not with the clothing in the photo--after all, every male student in the school was photographed in that same manner of dress. Your problem was with the gender of the person wearing it.
Davis did not fail to wear school appointed clothing; she did not fail to dress in clothing with the appropriate degree of formality. She did not, however, fit your arbitrary notions of what a female can and cannot wear.
Sounds pretty sexist so far. Exactly why can't a female wear a tuxedo? I'm not sure I understand how forcing males and females to wear *different* outfits creates "uniformity"... that would seem to be the opposite of uniformity.
Sounds pretty homophobic as well. We cannot separate gay rights from gender rights. Our very definitions of sexual orientation rely on our definitions of gender. Thus the ways in which we act our gender are integral to our sexual orientation. This is why so much anti-gay sentiment is concerned not with who people sleep with, but with the ways people transgress our notions of gender.
Clearly your notions of gender were transgressed, and you wrongfully used your authority and power to enforce your own personal views.
That your views may be shared by some, or even a majority, is irrelevant. Everyone has the right to their own gender identity and sexual orientation. When your enforce dichotomized gender roles, you not only undergird that which engenders homophobia, helping it to grow and flourish, but you also directly oppress all of your students, particularly gay and lesbian students, by dictating how they can and cannot act their genders--in this case, for an important event, a "milestone" you called it)--thus denying them freedom in a vital aspect of their identity and sexuality.
"Requiring one formal photograph" certainly "does not stifle the spirit of [the] students," but as I have shown, your requirement of Davis had nothing to do with formality and everything to do with her sex and gender. THAT is what stifles not just the spirits but the very cores of who your students are, versus what you were willing to allow them to be.
In your attempt to demand "the utmost... respect" for the graduation of these students, you have created the utmost disrespect for their persons. You have prioritized a rather crazed and extreme notion of "dignity" above the dignities of the students--at many levels, some previously mentioned, not the least of which includes trying to require Davis to be photographed in a costume she no doubt felt undignified in. It is not Davis who has disrespected and disgraced Fleming Island High School's first graduation--it is you.
I feel insulted that you've tried to justify your actions with a slippery slope argument. Surely it is obvious to you that you could have allowed Davis' photo and still easily dismiss the cases you use as examples without contradiction. You mention a tuxedo of a different color, a cowboy hat, and a male wearing a dress as a joke. All three are obviously different than Davis' case: the first two require special treatment, as opposed to Davis' choice from the general options available to the students. The third example speaks to intent; it would seem that Davis made her choice with the "utmost solemnity and respect" both for herself and the school, and not simply as a joke.
The sincerity and straightforwardness with which you express your stance only underlies my concern. I don't know if you honestly believe what you've written or if you were being intentionally obtuse. In either case, your actions in this situation remain unacceptable, and I call ever more strongly for your resignation--or termination. The students who have worked so hard to graduate deserve no less.
Sincerely,
Josh Alexander
Posted by Josh A. at 11:10 PM | Comments (0)
March 03, 2005
Poi oh poi
Today I realized that at least part of my sexual frustration/obsession/etc lately stems from the fact that I'm taking royal jelly. Oh well, it's worth it. Stimulate some sexuality, tonify some jing, all in a hard day's work for a good supplement.
Deep Tissue's going well. It's nice to feel effective, and to be feeling more things going on in the body, and experimenting with body mechanics in a way that's kind of fun rather than really frustrating and demoralizing.
We finished up our anterior leg trade today. Damn Warren for splitting it over two classes. This morning in the shower my legs felt so different. I didn't like it.
The really neat experience was seeing how well my own perceptions of what I was feeling in my partner's muscles matched up with what she experienced. I would stop at the spots that felt "interesting" and she would say something like "Oh yeah, right there."
I'm also finding it more and more easy to generate adequate pressure with less and less effort. Who knew physics and geometry would be handy here?
In other news, I'm impressed with how well Warren holds his class' space, considering his reputation for being, for back of a better phrase, "non-hippy". He keeps on top of doing our Ahh's and Om's (toning for manifesting and gratitude) better than previous teachers or ourselves manage to do. He provides time for chanting, prayer, and circle, and he manages them with an attention to detail that I really appreciate and would like to see show up more often. Perhaps precisely because of his "non-hippy", "non-new-agey" self he approaches things in those spheres more carefully and conscientiously? If so, what a Good Thing.
I had my RA meeting with Sue, the Director of Education, after lunch. It was so fun, I think we're both really excited to work with each other.
We talked about the job requirements, signed an RA agreement, and discussed some ideas for the coming quarter.
I'm going to start keeping RA hours for people to access me, and we started talking about "student liaison" functions to help facilitate the student voice in being heard. I'm hoping to work with Jana on that, and anyone else who feels comfortable.
As well, I may host a screening here at Heartwood of the 4th annual Media that Matters Film Festival. Depends on if I can talk them into donating a copy of the DVD!
We turned in our business cards and discussed business entities/forms in, well, Business class. Jamie's on vacation, so Amy made a cameo to substitute.
Nishkama created an awesome card out of handmade paper from Nepal. She offered to give it to me after the class is over. :-)
Play Night was hosted in honor of two birthdays, folks named Peter and Brian.
Players came and left in waves, and Play Night proceed in a series of distinct phases... from the high energy dance music pillow fighting yoga block standing on Part One to the mellower poi spinning chatting cookie eating Part Two to the final winding down balloon bouncing end.
Not Play Night in its original form, but something altogether different and uniquely this quarter. I wonder what it will morph into next.
Posted by Josh A. at 11:57 PM | Comments (0)
March 02, 2005
Le tired
I got to sleep at like 9:00 last night, and was SO tired all day.
First came Yoga, in which I followed along with nearly nothing the instructor led, and spent a good 10 minutes in "Corpse Pose" (i.e. laying on the floor).
I was able to get through Deep Tissue by receiving first. The recipe of receiving, then giving, bodywork is helpful for me... it got me through lunch and Exercise Therapy.
Warren had us doing tests (for ankle sprains, shin splints, and such) and stretches for the lower leg. It's nice when class curricula complement each other.
A&P 3 proceeded fairly quickly. We finished our dura mater models, had some lecture, watched some Doc Ock (brains are gross), and were outta there.
You know, Romanovsky and Philips claim that if there's a God, he must be a queen, because... just look at his interior decorating skills (grand canyon, mountains, colors of the sunset, etc.) Well, my answer to that is: God must be H.R. Giger's sex monkey, judging from the colors and design of our internal organs and physical structure.
Oh, and it was neat to relate the chakras to the location of endocrine glands throughout the body.
I told Soyka about the second coming of Christ, per Daniel 12, and she told me about the Hopi predictions coming true (e.g. Tsunamis). 2012: Either we're all gonna die, or become instantly enlightened. Choose the fanaticism that speaks to you ;-)
At dinner, walking my plate to my table, I could feel myself hyperextending my fingers holding it up. Damn Deep Tissue class. I'm really not happy that no one caught this behavior in us for the past quarter. Ahh well.
A group of us had a much need sex discussion around one of the big tables. Turns out I'm not the only person who's been able to think of nothing else for the past few days. So it was nice to talk about how to become multi-orgasmic, what trigger phrases make your significant other get off immediately, whether vibrators are safe or not, etc. ;-) Reminded me of my times at Cornell...
Did I mention how much I miss my boyfriend?
Posted by Josh A. at 09:40 PM | Comments (0)
March 01, 2005
Yay March First
It came and went so quickly, like it was nothing.
In Deep Tissue, we went over some anatomy and pathologies, of the anterior leg, watched a demo of the anterior leg work, and then watched the intro to a video by this guy who has done all this work researching "fascia meridians" in the body.
In the afternoon, I finished my Pathology work and cleaned my room some.
Pathology went by quickly... although I was excited at first, I don't think I can deal with the class. Tuberculosis, chronic bronchitis, and renal failure will probably kill me first. (We covered the respiratory and urinary systems today).
Nothing like Pathology to bring out your inner hypochondriac. I makes me just want to escape to Costa Rica... leave all those pathologies behind.
Posted by Josh A. at 09:07 PM | Comments (0)