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January 05, 2005
Las llaves
Today certainly had its ups and downs. Through most of them I stayed positive, or at least regained a good attitude within a short amount of time. I've been trying not to get wrapped up in story and just deal with each present moment.
Nonetheless, I've been feeling out of my power today. In its place, I often felt like I was "doing everything wrong". I'd like to find some quicker paths out of that state... especially something I can do while, say, hiking up a dirt trail. Rather than ensconced in a quiet, private room.
I stumbled through Polarity. After the usual chanting and meditation, we had some lecture on theory, and then a demo of the Rajasic Session. We got to step through each of the pieces in order, and then actually give (or receive) the whole session, verbally guided by the instructor. I gave today, and will receive first thing tomorrow.
This was actually ideal, as I don't think I would have dealt with with receiving today. The Rajasic session stirs things up, and I was wide open (ungrounded) to be stirred, possibly without being able to properly manage the experience. I'm confident that tomorrow will be more appropriate.
Yay Wednesdays. Hydrotherapy was only five weeks, so this afternoon was open. After lunch I took care of random stuff... paid bills, mailed a letter to my grandma, cleaned, did some homework, took apart most of my files in preparation to organize them better... and finally gave myself a footbath.
They're only supposed to be 20 minutes, but I lost track of time and went for 30... made me late for dinner, which was perfectly ok ;-) Since I now have my essential oils to play with, I used some: tea tree, eucalyptus, lemon, lavender, and myrrh. Put on some music, a hot water bottle between me and the chair, and read the Green Hope Farm newsletter. Just what I needed. Cut my tension level by half and dropped the pain in my back a decent amount.
After dinner was a Community Heart Circle, but I wasn't feeling it. Turned in my homework, wandered the student store (I like looking at the pretty products), and came back down to my room.
Piddled away the evening with the chat and the email and the web surfing... wasn't feeling too good. Took a drop of seven different Flower Essences... changed the music (Nine Inch Nails -> Piebald)... monitored my self-talk... decided to write a decent journal entry. Feeling a lot better.
Sometimes choosing to feel differently looks like a locked door. Sometimes it takes multiple keys.
Posted by Josh A. at January 5, 2005 09:23 PM