« Self-worth | Main | Om bhur bhuvah swaha »
January 12, 2005
Perineal session
This morning was nice. I made the conscious decision to skip yoga and get even more sleep. Yay for enough sleep.
I got up and showered (that's a real accomplishment for this quarter!), penduled for some new essences, went to breakfast (it was just as I remembered breakfasts from so long ago), and actually made it to class on time. Woo.
Today's card is the Page of Swords.
I already had my intention for receiving the Perineal Session today: to fully know my own Divine worth, and release any negative beliefs or feelings, traumas, or blocks standing in the way. Then things began to shift...
First Soyka explained that she had invited two people in to class with us to receive work... the new Education Director, and Warren, our Deep Tissue teacher-to-be. This meant that some people would not be working with their partners from yesterday. I immediately felt uncomfortable, and she asked people to volunteer. Of course my partner volunteered.
And the numbers didn't quite work: in the end, it worked out that Warren would be giving my session. Of course he walks in expecting to receive a session only to be asked to give one instead.
So there we are, I'm on the table, Warren with his hands under my head for the opening Quiet Heart Cradle, and I'm thinking, "Poor Warren, roped into this, he gets paid for his work, oh my gosh I don't deserve this, blah blah blah." And when I caught myself and saw how perfect it all was for my intention, I actually laughed out loud.
The session was very peaceful, and in the middle of it I felt myself the Voice of God Itself as the words "I Am the Eternal I Am" floated through my head, myself speaking to itself.
I spent lunch in the Kiva with Silas and Jim, and then gave a session at 2:00. I'm hoping to spend the rest of my time before dinner packing for this weekend, and then another session after dinner.
Not too happy with Thursday... I wanted to leave right after class, but there's been a change of schedule and I'm here until 6:00. At that point, I'd be stupid not to stay for dinner. If I can leave here by 6:30, I still won't get into the city any earlier than 11:30 :-( Ahh well.
As I was just walking down the trail back to my room, I caught site of the snow-covered caps of some nearby mountains, and reminded myself, "I am worthy." And I realized, "Not only am I worthy of all of that, I am that."
Pause.
"How can I possibly be unworthy of something I already AM?"
And there was the "Ah hah!" and the "Duh, of course." Worthiness (like most dichotomies) is a judgment, and, as all judgments, finds its resolution in Oneness. To believe I am worthy or unworthy of someone or something first requires that I believe we are separate.
So, I wandered in a roundabout way back to remembering something I already knew. <---- write that down, it's one of the meanings of life.
Posted by Josh A. at January 12, 2005 04:23 PM