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November 19, 2004
Ups and downs
I'm pleased that I got one of my sessions out of the way today, and the last one scheduled for tomorrow after lunch. Now the only thing I need to put into place are the science classes. Reading, coloring in the anatomy book, some homework questions.
Trading Swedish sessions was fun at first (I received first) but quickly became frustrating. I'm still not accepting the learning curve. Would you have an easy time letting go of 19 years of always "getting it" first? Sometimes in Shiatsu I felt like the worst student in the class. Sometimes people would share things that helped me feel "not alone", but other times I still felt awful.
I feel a bit spoiled by all those years of public school. Here I am finding myself in the situation of being challenged "too long" by a learning process, and how do I react? I don't just get bored with it and give up. I get frustrated, angry, and downright depressed. I find myself dropping into childhood emotional patterns, and having trouble expressing and moving those feelings.
We all have our limits, but I judge my "challenge tolerance" as "too low".
In other news, I made it to Movement Magic part two on time today. In fact, I was the first one there. Woo.
It was more like "Talking Magic" today... we had more group discussion than usual, and a hypnotherapy-based guided visualization at the end. I don't remember it at all, but maybe I got some work done with it.
In any case, something came out of it all. He was talking about something Louise Hay says, that the morning right when we first wake up is the best time to do affirmations. I said, "That makes me think of what I tend to affirm during that time... not things I want to affirm!" I rarely have a great feeling getting up, and sometimes, especially lately, I wake up with the worst attitude. It walks me up the hill and doesn't dissipate until I'm sitting in circle with my shiny classmates.
He asked if I'm willing to have that be different.
Of course part of me says, "Yes, absolutely." And then there's the resistant part. What would it mean if it were different? That's the question that can unravel the resistance, and I haven't don't so yet.
I did, however, have my first Polarity session today. When I was asked what my intention for the session was, I said, "To allow myself to have joyful awakenings." We talked a bit about what that means. Some mornings I've woken up with a feeling of gratitude, and joy, and felt happy to be waking up to a new day. I think in 24 years I've had 3 to 5 such mornings. I can remember only one of them clearly.
Polarity's weird. Some things involved: head holds, rocking, foot and leg work, and toning. I kept coming back to my breath and my intention, but what I was coming back from was odd: weird imagery, places I've never seen, people I don't know. Anyway, I felt blissed out by the end and ready to go to bed.
After walking down the hill, I crawled right into bed, did some perineal rocking, and tried to sleep. I tried for about half an hour before giving up. Weird headache that I couldn't seem to let go of. Now to try again.
Posted by Josh A. at November 19, 2004 09:34 PM