« Quickie | Main | Better than yesterday! »
September 20, 2004
The week begins fairly well
Mmm... yoga was sooo good. The air was chilly this morning, and we did breath of fire to warm up. I haven't been to yoga in a while, not since feeling like my energetic sensitivity has increased, and not since feeling like my posture and body mechanics have undergone noticeable improvement.
Afterward, I asked Sirena if there were any exercises she could recommend for helping with that, and she recommended Cobra, without using my arms. So I'll be modifying my morning routine a bit.
I really wanted a heart circle in Shiatsu, to share last night's process, and I didn't think I was going to get one, between Nutrition lecture with Paul and then the mid-term evaluation we were supposed to do after. But Surya didn't show up to facilitate the evals, so the instructor opted to have a heart circle for us to share our feelings on the class so far. So here I was getting a heart circle, but not the one I wanted.
Not only was it not the most appropriate forum for what I wanted to share, it quickly got emotional, and I knew talking about last night in that state would not have been pretty... especially when trying to accomplish something specific, like giving evaluation feedback.
So after class I went up to Erica and Kassy (instructor & TA) to turn in what homework I did have, and talk about it, and I just had to cry first. It is so nice to be able to do that here, and let it out, and be witnessed gently and supported, and then be affirmed for it.
What a role reversal I'm having. In public school I was always the student who got everything immediately, "that guy" in your class who always understood lecture or the homework and everyone knew it. I even got by not knowing some things because the teachers just assumed I did.
Here, I often feel like the worst student in the class. And while I doubt anyone else thinks that, especially given the feedback I received today, I wonder why and how my own self-image is so incongruent with what others seem to see.
We talked, clarified the current state of things, and figured out where to go next in order to satisfy the course requirements. Erica also said she felt that I am doing really well, and that she was surprised by the amount of work I turned in so quickly.
As I walked down to the Lodge with her, I mentioned that I don't like being the one who comes to them every other week in tears, and she immediately said back, "I think it's GREAT." We talked about the people who always seem happy can be very different by themselves, and what it's like to not be able to express what's going on inside ourselves.
Which reminds me: later Nishkama said something that I felt so wonderful hearing. She found me just before Tai Chi and said she had looked for me after Shiatsu to share something... during heart circle, I said something from my heart, and she just wanted to say how good I seem to be doing with that, that she can see my authenticity more and more.
I felt it during heart circle, so it was really nice to hear someone acknowledge it.
Deja vu :-)
I felt sooo off starting in Anatomy & Physiology... almost light headed, sinus headache, weirdness. It continued into Tai Chi... I couldn't stay for Meditation... I tried to study during that time, and it hurt my eyes. In fact, still, when I move my head up in certain ways it hurts my eyes.
Anyway, I went for a walk, ate an apple, did energy tune up... that helped for a while. Then dinner really helped. I ate it outside, instead of up in the library, and had a nice time talking with Steve, and then Jamie joined us. I don't see her enough, I feel.
This morning, over 75% of the students raised their hand to indicate they'd be attending study session tonight. Tonight, me and one other student showed up.
But, it worked out really well. It was nice getting so much personal time with Kassy. We talked about the 5 Elements and their associations, pulses, body mechanics, and off topic yet wonderful stuff... being in our own power, NLP, our backgrounds, etc.
Everyone here comes from amazing places... I learned that even I do: some people think it's amazing that a person raised by Fundamentalist Southern Baptists in a small Republican suburb ever found his way to Heartwood :-)
And! Perhaps the best news!
My phone got installed today!
Whooo. I can finally get online with my own computer on my own phone line on my own time.
Life is worth living again ;-)
Posted by Josh A. at September 20, 2004 11:39 PM
Comments
congrats on getting your phone installed.
Posted by: Des at September 21, 2004 08:08 PM
Let's you are getting comfortable opening up emotionally and allow your inner feeling flow and a phone line makes life worth living. Hmmm. how organic is that?
Just having a little fun with you. I is great that you're able to open up and relase bent up things in you. You're growing grasshopper.
Posted by: Steven at September 22, 2004 08:57 PM