« breathe? | Main | Thanks, I love you, too. »
September 28, 2004
an Off day
Woke up in a foul mood. Thinking about work stuff. Not happy because even though I was up earlier than I wanted to be, it wasn't early "enough".
Drove back to Sacramento, unhappy most of the first half of the way. Finally brought myself out of it (cognitively), and stopped in Vacaville to go to the outlets. Didn't find anything I went for, but found something unexpectedly: a copy of Donna Eden's Energy Medicine for only $6.
Trying to "listen" more. Paid 12 cents less for gas because of it, too.
Got to Sac with time to spare, made my one o'clock session, had lunch at kT Noodle with Jim -- curry chicken with rice. He lent me a bunch of CDs of massage-appropriate music, which is good because I don't have much at all. I've been using the same Timothy Leary album with everyone.
So I'm ripping all this music to my hard drive, and have come across a couple that weren't in the CDDB... that's fine, I look them up on AMG, type in the info myself, submit the track names to CDDB for other people in the future, and then rip.
[sidenote: I love that iTunes and CDDB are Unicode compatible and that an Artist name in Kanji shows up correctly!]
And then I come across some unknown album that's not anywhere to be found. WTF. "Through the Vortex with Lazaris". Oh really. "Music composed specifically for Lazaris." Mmm. "What the hell is Lazaris?", I wonder. Some kind of new age hippy event maybe?
Turns out Lazaris is YAC, or, Yet Another Channeled... well, something. Being? Entity? Spirit(s)? Like Tobias and Kryon and Abraham.
Of course the first thing I run into is this:
We are here to remind you that pain and fear are not the only methods of growth; that you can more elegantly grow through joy and love....
Nice. Now how do I DO that? That is exactly what I've been looking for, as I've wandered around Heartwood not wanting to be "that guy" who's always working through some tearful issue or traumatic memory or another. As I've grown tired of "always" dealing with "issues", if not mine, than ours, or hers, or yours.
Of course, they don't have the tracks listed on their website. What do you expect, enlightenment AND easily facilitated music "borrowing" all in one spot?
Talked with Des. No, talked. If briefly. Sooo many issues. At least we communicate about them, and we're not half bad at it if I do say so myself. But I don't always have the mental or energetic abundance to really deal with them. CPU use 90%...
And, see above. If an individual can grow through joy & love rather than pain & fear, then surely that scales. And of course the first step is to BE the change I want to see.
Speaking of that, at least one great thing came out of it: I'd like to give more positive strokes, express my appreciation more often. This helps people from feeling like they're never good enough, because they don't just hear the complaints, but the praise as well.
It's something Bruce tried to explain to me years ago, but it took being on the other end of it to really "get it".
Talked a lot with my grandma. Her days are great--filled with friends, church, music, lunches, games (mostly Uno and dominoes), exercise class, computer class, cancer support group--but her nights, I can tell how difficult they are... and she even came out and said how lonely they can be.
What a difference a sleeping body in the next room makes.
Speaking of which, she got asked on a date! Bad taste for asking so soon after my grandfather's death, but he did tell her that she's "a very attractive lady." How sweet. She told him she's too busy.
It's getting easier to hear her talk about family troubles, what with holding so much space at Heartwood. But still, people I've managed to excise from my universe still manage to reach me ever so dilutedly by their effects on her. And it's still tough to see hurt or anger in her eyes, especially over someone related to us. What do I mean, "especially"... as if she would ever give non-family so much power.
She informed me that she's not buying Xmas gifts this year. Right on. Hell, I'm driving mine. Attending mine. Storing a whole lot of stuff in mine. She does a lot for all of us. Now the question is, what can I do for her for Christmas?
What a question... she buys any material item she wants or needs. Maybe it's time to knit that shawl finally... although I doubt my ability to do it "well enough". The last thing I made her, a hat, doesn't really fit. And the bag I felted looks ridiculous. Perhaps one's grandma isn't the best person to be a knitting guinea pig, unless there's some real inborn talent manifesting itself.
So, any suggestions?
Posted by Josh A. at September 28, 2004 11:52 PM